Pen Name Zen Naari

I've held in too much pressure for a while... I thought I should wait until school starts but what the hell... I'm becoming really different so I guess I need to vent....

People are ignoring me a lot so far. They'd talk to me for 15 seconds and the ditch me while I'm still talking. I mean, I'm sorry I don't have any friends to waste my words on! Plus I can't seem to write well. Maybe cuz I stopped blogging?

Well, I get why people don't want to hang around with me. I mean. I'm boring. I just talk a lot about stuff that matter. And apparently, people don't like that... people like talking about useless things...

People don't like reading anymore...

Which is why I'm kinda confused whether I should make a TV sitcom for the Philippines or introduce light novels to the Philippines?

Either way, my writing skills have been down so far.

I get stuck.

I don't get in a lot of conversations so I forgot the flow of one. The best I can do is act it out. But it ends up in useless chatter. I'm watching HIMYM and Two and a Half Men and it's helping out a bit. But yeah...

I'm going through something...

I need someone to talk to... but nobody wants to...

I ask politely and they ditch me...

I just want to know why.

I know that I'm boring, chatty, and etc. but why? WHY?! I just want to knock some furniture over and scream in front of a therapist. I just want someone to talk to! Damnit!

I can't function without feedback. I keep giving and giving but NOTHING!!!!

I keep making an effort but it results to nothing.

Seriously!

Why?!

All my friends are busy! Even SyKo!

I just hope that I can go wild at Toycon this Saturday.

I'm going to be a completely different person after all.

I feel the need to change my personality and looks for just one day so I can anonymously talk to random strangers. So I'm cosplaying as Barney Stinson.

I know, he's no anime character. But hey. Blonde hair, suits. I can do that. I can talk to random people too.

So yeah. I don't have anything else to come in with so yeah.

I'm also getting a few stuff I ordered online there.

And, well, it looks like very little OS members will be there. And if I know my classmates well enough, they won't show up. They're just gonna be lazy for Saturday morning cuz it's the first/second weekend they have from college.

I mean, geez.

I have no friends. Just a few familiar people in the jeep, and familiar jeeps.

I drank Vodka yesterday. The cashier girl and I had a chat. I could swear that she was flirting with me. Or thought I was gay because I was buying lots of hair and skin care stuff.

Yeah... Vodka is surprisingly good. Tastes like 7up or Sprite with little alcohol.

I don't get drunk... but for reasons I don't understand, I don't feel sad after drinking.

Maybe it was mixing the Vodka with coke... they're both carbonated so yeah....

Anyway... yes, I know drinking vodka ruins everything I believe in... but hey... nobody's stopping me because nobody wants to to talk to me, let alone be with me...

So I'm really pissed, I want to kick a car and leave a dent.

I guess you can say that I'm depressed. But what the hell? It's not like anyone cares.

I have no right to be depressed. I mean, I have a laptop that can be plugged into the TV in my room.

So far, drinking and computer gambling is helping a bit.

Thank goodness I'm not really gambling.

I have a bit of a gambling problem.

I like playing with cards and dice.

And them little chippies~!

but that's different.

I'm sad, depressed, and nobody cares.

Just like always I guess...

Nobody reads anything...

Or at least, anything I make.

That's why I'm looking forward to going to the publishing house next month...

Since it's business, the editors HAVE to talk to me...

anyway yeah... That's what's happening to me...

It's a heart-crunching time...

School starts Wednesday...

Cheers to hoping to make friends...

"hoping"

I won't smoke...

Drinking is bad enough...

Anyway, I'm off... to do something... idk...

Bye guys... please leave a comment... I'm desperate for any form of conversation...

Except stupid one-sided conversations where I talk and the other person walks away...

I'm so desperate, I keep on talking even after the person leaves.

So yeah... I'm left with no friends...

And I really need to talk...

So bye~... I'm off to sulking in my room playing texas hold'em with AI.