The Nocturne Clock
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    Koryuu's Avatar
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    Default The Nocturne Clock

    Most people can say how long day and night are, in generalized terms. Few can tell just how long the night actually lasts. The more cruel a person's fate, the more precisely they know. I know the exact second the night begins, the exact second it ends, and every second in between. However, I cannot tell someone how long the day lasts. It's just a moment that passes in a heartbeat, a heartbeat that beats pain free for just that short reoccurring moment, those daytime hours that I never saw you in. But the night? That's where you are and all I can do is count the continuous seconds that stretch between zero and daybreak. I count them like I once counted "I love yous," the kisses on my forehead, and the seconds between goodbye and hello. We said goodbye that last time with the promise of hello and now, I count the seconds until the hello that will never come, only taking a break for those heartbeat moments where I don't have to think of you.

    How much time did we have? How many seconds did we miss out on in the hours that follow the rising of the sun until it set? How many did we lose? Was it worth it? All those hours apart, our daytime jobs keeping us separate. These same hours are now my solace - you aren't here in these daylit moments, and you never were.

    After all those "how are yous" that followed those beautiful hellos in which answered "fine" with a smile, I now wait for just one more. One more "hello" followed by one more "how are you" so I can admit, just this once, that I am not fine. I want to tell you that I'm not okay just to feel your warm arms around my night chilled shoulders, to hear your velvet voice whisper into my hair "shh, you will be. I'm here now." But I won't, because even though you're here in the night, you cannot ask me how I am, or wrap your arms around me, or tell me that I'll be okay. You just stand there in your faded blue jeans, unbuttoned black and white plaid shirt with a white t-shirt underneath, and black sneakers, your hair slightly tussled from running your fingers through it. You smile at me for those long seconds of night, those seemingly endless seconds between zero and daybreak. Those same long seconds that came so fast between that smile at the street corner and that last breath before the car hit you. I'm glad the night only lasts those seconds, drawn out over those long hours and that daybreak comes at the precise moment the headlights lit your face.

    It's been two months, thirteen days, thirty-nine minutes, and eighteen seconds worth of nights since the start of that fateful night and the nights have only been getting longer. Last night was nine hours, sixteen minutes, and twenty-six seconds long. That's 33,386 seconds of your smiling face. 33,386 seconds of heartbeats bleeding sub-freezing flames. 33,386 seconds of my body shaking with every lung-searing sob torn from it as my tears flood the pavement below. 33,386 seconds of "I miss you." How long will tonight be? I don't know yet, but ask me again tomorrow. I'll have the exact number. I'll be here until the sun comes back. Here, on this corner where we missed that hello.
    Last edited by Koryuu; 01-06-2018 at 04:22 PM.
    "Forget the lingering darkness in your scars
    and pour so much light into everything you touch,
    the universe will have to create brighter stars
    once you're gone."
    -D. Antoinette Foy

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