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Dudette09
01-03-2017, 09:06 AM
Hey guys! Hahaha, first and foremost, the story I am about to share is not mine but from someone I’m really close with. She’s a great bestfriend and I’m pretty much negative about relationships so I really need your opinion about this. So here it goes.

They are in a relationship for more than a year and they are happy. They’re almost together 24/7 since they work in a same company and they attend one church. Until one day, the boyfriend confessed to my bestfriend that he actually confessed to another girl (who works in the same company) that he likes her. :O

What do you guys think about the boyfriend’s motive? Should they end their relationship? If you were my bestfriend, what will you do?

For me, this is a red flag. Having crushes while being on a relationship is completely normal. It’s great if you tell your girl/boy about them too. However, I don’t think it’s okay to tell someone you have a crush on about your feelings while you are in a relationship..but that’s just me. I hope to read your opinion. Thankies! :)

Oxygen
01-03-2017, 05:18 PM
I would ask him "well, what about your current girlfriend?", "why are you chasing another girl when you have a gf" or somehow make them talk about why he did what he did. I don't really like ending relationships based on things their friends says, even though what they say are true. If I were the girlfriend I'd just confront him, and if he says he like someone else we'd probably mutually end the relationship? It'll probably hurt a lot but imo it's better than not knowing and just cutting off the relationship?

On the other hand, this is what "I" would do based on "my" relationships and friends, and might not work for her/him.

LastVanguard
01-04-2017, 12:16 AM
Darn you, Dudette - luring me out of hiding with your interesting questions. At least I can offer a pretty lame, moderately-worthless opinion before returning to the shadows...

It's a loaded question without knowing more details, so I'll make a few assumptions in order to put an answer together.

The boyfriend in this scenario initially seems like he's considering other girl(s) at this point purely based off what you've said. However, if they're happy together right now and she feels as if she understands who he is as a person fairly well, the best thing they can do is to talk it out. When I say "talk it out", I don't mean have a heated argument, I don't mean have a fiery debate, and I definitely don't mean that she should offer the impression that she doubts his faithfulness. Talk it out, as a hurt friend to another - a friend that understands their relationship may very well be on the line, but they're hoping for the best. Even if the worst possible scenario happens, the only way to get to that point is to work it through together.

If it's just a misunderstanding on both their parts, or if he's made a mistake and wants to fix it for her, then I truly hope they stay together. Everyone's human, and we all make mistakes in both our personal lives, and our relationships (God knows I'm guilty of this, too). It's a shame to throw a relationship away over a single instance of doubt/failure, but the only way to find out if that's going to be the outcome is to talk it out.

Speaking from a guy's perspective, the world's an ugly place in this regard. Too many people enter into a relationship based off of a "crush" with no real idea of commitment. Popular culture has taught many people that they need to look for the "perfect person", or that having a fairy tale romance is normal, so they harden themselves to not accept differences or shortcomings in their partners and try to "trade up" for someone better once that person seemingly comes along. All the while, what's being ignored is that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There's only flawed relationships with flawed people, and a small handful of couples emerge from that mess with the patience, resolve, commitment, and love to stand the test of time with what they have in each other. If the boyfriend ends up being the kind of person who's looking to "trade up", then she should leave him. If she doesn't, it's only a matter of time before he leaves her - and with some additional heartache left behind, too.



P.S. - I agree with you that there's a lot of BAD relationships out there, but don't armor your heart up to the degree that no guy could get through to it. I went down that road for years. It sucks.

Iwannawatch
01-04-2017, 01:05 AM
First off, is everyone involved sure that they are indeed bf/gf? Maybe they're just "dating". A friend of mine from the U.K. considers "dating" simply to be a way to know another person and it may take years during which time each one is still allowed to date others.

I don't know anything about relationships since I (so very much sadly) haven't been in one but, with the culture I grew up with, this guy is a douche. Yes I think it is normal to be attracted to others of the opposite sex even when you are in a relationship with someone else, but to confess like that is just... idk... I find that very uncomfortable. This is only my opinion considering I do not really know the complete story.

PerkZ
01-04-2017, 05:03 AM
First thing is, Im not an expert when it comes to relationships but I want to share my opinion (cause this seems interesting), this might be dumb for a guy like me who hasnt even dated someone before to talk about relationships but Ill share my thoughts..

You're probably right about it being a red flag but i salute the guy for being honest, not all guys do that you know? as for the bad part I hate the fact that the boyfriend confessed to another girl while having a girlfriend (which is your bestfriend).
Now lets go to my survey..lmao.. As a silent observer guy in my school I always find my classmates to be involved in a relationship and I asked one of my friends some questions, like Do you still find your partner to be loyal to you? or Do you still find that sparkling moment when you see her? (now dont get the wrong idea, I aint ruining their relationships..lmao..) When I asked him this questions he replied something similar to this "I dont know, but i really feel like she's cheating on me" now I didnt dig up too much because it's not my business. so lets get to the point.
First the age gap between my classmates and your bestfriend is different.. especially the fact that I still dont know anything about how adult world works so I might make some mistakes in expressing my opinion. the possibility of my friend misunderstanding something is there and the possibility of it being the truth is also there. Idk the full details of why did your bestfriend's boyfriend do such thing but I feel like there is a misunderstanding that is occuring because first and foremost, why would a guy confess to her girlfriend about him confessing on another girl? if its telling someone that you had a crush on someone but you still love your girlfriend, then its ok, right? (still I still dont know anything about relationships so correct me if Im wrong) If the guy told your bestfriend that he confessed to another girl, he's basically saying : he wants break up or just telling you the truth as an act of trust.

If I was your bestfriend, I would tell my boyfriend "First dont take this as a sign of breakup, yet, but I want you to choose, between that girl you just confessed to or me" I know its not easy and I know its paintful to know the truth, but its better than knowing he is cheating with you when you get married right? and again this is just my opinion, dont take it too seriously. and say my regards to your bestfriend and I hope she will continue to be happy ^^

DarkBunny
01-04-2017, 05:12 AM
that's one hell of a large Potato to overcome........ since i'm back i'll be the worst love guru of 2017.........

though it's kinda the norm in this today's society, but if i was the bestfriend, i would've walked away, but since we need advices...... i'd kindly advice them to talk it out, if he found something lacking to your bestfriend that made him like the other woman (i've always wanted to say that.)

2nd, try to figure out what she lacks like, she's not giving much attention to him anymore, maybe he want's to be taken care of like a child... but if it was looks he was thinking of lacking, girl you better slap that ******... ehem.

talking it out with each other, understanding one another is a good practice..... trust me i've been down that road, and it was pretty rough, i'd never want to go there..... i have risse-chi as my witness with thisssss...

sharing almost everything to each other is good. they could solve it together, and not give up with one another...... LIGHTBUNNY~~~~~~~


but as a bunny, i cannot be tamed and i am a free man, i've once conquered a world filled with lolis and universes filled with them.. i've precisely caught and lov- taken care of 657,963,452,231 lolis in my own pocket dimension so i could cuddle with them anytime i want........


but if you want the real me talking..... girl, that boy should be better off dead, his body fed the crows.. maybe even torched alive, then leave him barely living then throw him into the sea with a small foam to float so the sharks could tear his body limb from limb

1stKaiser
01-04-2017, 05:25 AM
What do you guys think about the boyfriend’s motive?That depends on the intent. Did the confession happen during the relationship between the two? If so, how long did it take for him to disclose it to his partner? I see 3 problems: a.) He must have taken a lot of time to build enough courage to confess to another girl, which means he didn't tell his current partner his prior int, b.) He confessed while in a relationship, & c.) there may be an (x) amount of time that passed before he admitted his confession it his partner. The longer, the worse.

Like another member here said, the definition of a relationship varies greatly among people. The term "dating" varies greatly as well. But communicating with each other is still very important. These three problems show that he may be communicating poorly - which can lead to more serious problems, such as failing to disclose other secrets properly - or at all.


Should they end their relationship?
Its not my place to say. I will not get involved. I prefer not to dictate or even subtly suggest the ending of someone else's relationships, even if someone directly asks me if they should end it with someone else unless they are in some kind of danger. I prefer to support them differently, such as 1.) talking with them about the situation to ease any confusion & look at the problem more calmly, and 2.) keeping them from losing respect and love in themselves - or other self-empowering nourishment that helps people make difficult decisions on their own instead of depending on someone else too often.

Ultimately, this is a matter that your best friend needs to figure out for herself so she can become stronger from the conflict.


If you were my bestfriend, what will you do?
I cannot answer that, because I don't know the original terms of their relationship. I don't know how serious they are, what plans they have for each other, etc., so it depends on what the meaning of the relationship is to your friend & her partner for me to imitate her. Things like that can only be sorted out with communication - so it sounds like they need to have a talk about what their relationship really means to each other - with him giving a very good explanation for his recent actions.

I will assume that your friend confides in you on these kind of problems. My advice is not to get involved in her personal dispute with him - but to instead get involved with only her so that she doesn't devalue herself. She'll definitely need you for that - and from my experience with you, you're a wonderful person for that situation.

Dudette09
01-07-2017, 12:34 PM
Wow! Thanks guys for responding to my thread. :) So to answer...


That depends on the intent. Did the confession happen during the relationship between the two? If so, how long did it take for him to disclose it to his partner? I see 3 problems: a.) He must have taken a lot of time to build enough courage to confess to another girl, which means he didn't tell his current partner his prior int, b.) He confessed while in a relationship, & c.) there may be an (x) amount of time that passed before he admitted his confession it his partner. The longer, the worse.

Yep, the confession happened while they are in a happy relationship. And yes, they are way passed dating. For me, dating is like the getting to know each other phase which I really wouldn't describe as a boyfriend/girlfriend or romantic relationship. They're way passed that. Yes again, that's what I think as well. The dou- guy must've plucked a lot of courage to confess to the other girl..which struck me as wrong. He was willing to "bet" his relationship with my bestfriend. This caused a major red flag in my opinion because what if the other girl accepted his confession. Wouldn't that ultimately start cheating if the guy has plans to pursue the other girl? Good thing the girl felt awkward, lol.


I will assume that your friend confides in you on these kind of problems. My advice is not to get involved in her personal dispute with him - but to instead get involved with only her so that she doesn't devalue herself. She'll definitely need you for that - and from my experience with you, you're a wonderful person for that situation.

Yep, we've been bestfriends since college and we're inseparable. We've talked about it..well, she mostly talked and I mostly asked her about what happened and what she planned to do. Then when we talked about it earlier, I just told her to guard her heart. :)


2nd, try to figure out what she lacks like, she's not giving much attention to him anymore, maybe he want's to be taken care of like a child... but if it was looks he was thinking of lacking, girl you better slap that ******... ehem.

I'm not sure about this. I only know that they're almost together 24/7 since they work in the same company and the guy often visits our place. My bestfriend and I live in one house, lol.


but if you want the real me talking..... girl, that boy should be better off dead, his body fed the crows.. maybe even torched alive, then leave him barely living then throw him into the sea with a small foam to float so the sharks could tear his body limb from limb

Lol, I so agree with this. Make no mistake about it, if this happened to me, I wouldn't think twice... >:D Lol, jk.


Idk the full details of why did your bestfriend's boyfriend do such thing but I feel like there is a misunderstanding that is occuring because first and foremost, why would a guy confess to her girlfriend about him confessing on another girl? if its telling someone that you had a crush on someone but you still love your girlfriend, then its ok, right? (still I still dont know anything about relationships so correct me if Im wrong) If the guy told your bestfriend that he confessed to another girl, he's basically saying : he wants break up or just telling you the truth as an act of trust.

This! This is exactly something I've been thinking about too. I'm glad you point this one out. When we were talking, I've been thinking about this too. HAHAHAHAHA! I like analyzing things and playing scenarios in my head. :D


If I was your bestfriend, I would tell my boyfriend "First dont take this as a sign of breakup, yet, but I want you to choose, between that girl you just confessed to or me" I know its not easy and I know its paintful to know the truth, but its better than knowing he is cheating with you when you get married right? and again this is just my opinion, dont take it too seriously. and say my regards to your bestfriend and I hope she will continue to be happy ^^

Lol, dude, I'd surely do this if the situation happened to me. XD No need to prolong the agony and paranoia. :D


First off, is everyone involved sure that they are indeed bf/gf? Maybe they're just "dating". A friend of mine from the U.K. considers "dating" simply to be a way to know another person and it may take years during which time each one is still allowed to date others.

Yep, they are indeed a couple. I was there when they started dating which took months till they become official couple. I really admire them as they seem happy and like a perfect couple, lol. I was really happy for them but most especially for my bestfriend. She deserves all the happiness life could offer. :)


Darn you, Dudette - luring me out of hiding with your interesting questions. At least I can offer a pretty lame, moderately-worthless opinion before returning to the shadows...

Darn you too, jk. And I hope you don't think I have ill intentions this time as well, lol. :D


If it's just a misunderstanding on both their parts, or if he's made a mistake and wants to fix it for her, then I truly hope they stay together. Everyone's human, and we all make mistakes in both our personal lives, and our relationships (God knows I'm guilty of this, too). It's a shame to throw a relationship away over a single instance of doubt/failure, but the only way to find out if that's going to be the outcome is to talk it out.

From what she told me recently, they are talking things out but I decided not to probe more since they are still in the middle of it. And to be honest, I'm way too negative about it especially with all the details she told me beforehand. So I just listened and told her, "Guard your heart." That's the only phrase I can tell her to remind her about her own feelings. Loving someone could be blinding at times. I just want her to be happy and since she already analyzed all the details. I'm supporting her with whatever decision she made up.


P.S. - I agree with you that there's a lot of BAD relationships out there, but don't armor your heart up to the degree that no guy could get through to it. I went down that road for years. It sucks.

Thanks so much for your concern. My heart is fine. Still mending but fine. :')


I would ask him "well, what about your current girlfriend?", "why are you chasing another girl when you have a gf" or somehow make them talk about why he did what he did. I don't really like ending relationships based on things their friends says, even though what they say are true. If I were the girlfriend I'd just confront him, and if he says he like someone else we'd probably mutually end the relationship? It'll probably hurt a lot but imo it's better than not knowing and just cutting off the relationship?

Melony!! I missed you! :) I would do the same if I were her, lol. Just like what I mentioned earlier, why prolong the agony right? XD

As an update, they talked about it. Based on what my bestfriend told me, she's giving him another chance. There are details I didn't type here since they're mostly private. She told me if the guy blow off this chance, she'll ask me for help to make the guy disappear (in her life..or in the face of the earth, jk) which I agreed on. I decided not to tell her what I'd do if I were her since it might cause her to do it. Rather, I asked her countless scenarios and what she'd do if they happened. We agreed on one thing that she should do which is to guard her heart. All in all, I'd like to thank everyone for sharing your opinion and advice. :)

Silvence
04-06-2017, 09:54 PM
The concept of 'confessing' is so odd to me.


Anyway I think relationships are best entered when you've known each other for a fairly long while. My best relationship in my 27 years short life was with a person I had known for about 2 years before getting together 'for real'. I don't hate relationships since they just sort of happen, but people have so many different opinions on what a relationship is so misunderstanding is very common. I can kinda get why you're negative about relationships if that's your angle. Often they're overhyped by the people involved and it gets bothersome by the people around them.


If I was your bestfriend I'd definitely question how committed he was to the relationship they have. It seems like he's just making sure he has his foot in another relationship before he breaks up from his current. But I don't know the guy, so I can't really say what his motives are.
I sure as hell hope it isn't a manipulative way of saying "like me more pls!" to the GF, if that's the case then he's a toxic person to be around. This is the type of person that probably shows the most 'love' when someone's sad.


I wouldn't go as far as to say that he should die for this. But I don't think he should get the easy way out either. He should be confronted and if he's avoiding the topic or seems dishonest about his **** then one should just break up. It's a tough decision to make as the part that "loves the other part more" if you get what I'm saying. Maybe this guy read some redpill advice. In that case bestfriend should abandon ship immediately.


Hope things go well.

KawaiiKevs
07-25-2017, 11:40 PM
It's normal to like another while on a relationship, but the big question is, is he planning to court her and dump her current girl just for the sake of the novelty of having a side chick? If he doesn't, then I guess it's all good.