the first 2 chapters are great. you described the story nicely, but maybe you should add more narration. reading their conversations only makes it simple. maybe, a little more description will do.
suggestion: how bout, adding a little dark side in the story. ex: sunako's character and some characters having interests on another character's skill. like using them for their own will or blah-blah. and some other twists like ark having an unknown connection to the evil-doers, like being their son, or whatever.
just like what I expected. the story is running nice and smoothly. chapter4: yes, there's no climax. they are well focused in a single thing. i'll be waiting for the 5th chapter. and I agree with kurai that this could be a great manga someday.
Hey, you said something about the manga going to be based from the story,, so does this mean that, all conversations in the story will be the same in the manga? I'm still waiting for the manga, 'tis the reason why i haven't read the other chapters, so that i won't get spoiled.. so, when will be it's official release?
... just read the story... cuz like Jzero was the guy who gave me the plot and now we have even more plot twists that we won't even follow the original story that we made here but everything that happens yes... but like... a few personalites will change and some gags will be changed and so on and so forth... so continue reading the story cuz the manga won't follow it perfectly...
Well, as promised. I'll now be posting a huge comment. I'll use spoiler tags since there's gonna me some...well.. SPOILERS..LOL.. So for those who haven't read the story yet, get your butt out of this thread and into the story.
I'll be reviewing each chapter at a time since I like doing comments like that.
~ CHAPTER 1 ~
The three starting character introduced in the beginning was a good idea. It makes the reader aware of the (main)characters that are or might be important in the story. The starting conversation of the three (Ark, Era, and Keo) made it sort of a hint of what they were and what they do. For some reason the scene when they charge reminded me of Cress Albane from Tales of Phantasia..XP
It was sort of a surprise when they turned out to be just students attending a Battle Academy. The principle was rather nice (for a principle that is..lol). Altough when I learned that it was an academy the first thing that came to mind was Bleach and and Soul Eater (I have no idea why).
The comedy that came after was a good touch for the story. Twin sisters fighting over an argument is hilarious. I like their names by the way (Yuna and Ethica), Yuna might not be original (FFX) but Ethica sure was a name that I haven't heard before. The magic used (Asura) was pretty amazing, even the way you portrayed the fight between the two sisters were amazing. I imagined the scene in my head so it was really cool thinking of the attacks shooting at one another.
I immediately liked Yuna better because of obvious perspectives between Etchica. to me, Yuna's like Sakura Haruno (my onpinion) since she was nice but can also be pretty powerful. The line that Etchica said "One Yuna, stronger than two Ethica." made me awed at how strong and skilled Yuna was..XD
The demonstration battle when Ark was in class is cool too. The instructor must be very skilled to go up against him with a wooden sword, all he did was dodge Ark's attack and knock him down by hitting him behind the legs. DAMN I love the names you had for the weapons (Hollow Longsword and Fireblend Rapier), they were soooo kick-ass..XP
Ethica's reason for wanting to spar with Ark was kinda obvious at first after Era stated "Good luck on your little date!"... Such a KYAAAA moment right there..hahaha
On the battlefield, that Shizo sounded like a wimp Because he kept complaining. Era's a good friend when he volunteered to take Ark's place in battling the next wave of enemies.
Don't worry Zen, I'm just taking a breather.. My fingers sore from typing this long comment.
I'll be posting my comment for Ch. 2 later..
Yes, I really intend to make a comment for each chapter..XD
WAAH! Thank you! I feel so inspired now!!! Gotta make chapter 13 now!!! Oh btw, your really better practice... I mean... I slave over a keyboard (And sometimes a cellphone qwertyuiop keyboard) for 1-2 hours just making the story... so gambatte! I'm looking forward to comments like this!