Post your Reviews and Comments for The Glass Piano by Goroganpolo9 here.
Story link: http://otaku-streamers.com/community...no-Part1-(Yaoi)
Hello to anyone that's reading this. To be honest, im kind dissapointed no one has posted here yet..:/ if u haven't read the story yet than please read it~~ >///< anyways, if ANYONE has ANY questions, JUST ASK, DONT BE SHY!! I'll surely reply, and if anyone has ANY requests for a short story, yaoi, romance, action or comedy or anything just ask, I'll be sure to dedicate it to u in the credits. If u want to pm me, go for it~ I don't bite!! If u want, go ahead and add me, I always accept~ so just ask, and i promise that I'll try to reply asap!!! :3 thanks for reading~
<(^w^<) hug~~ - Mimi (12years old)
I don't actively hunt around for yaoi, but I keep seeing updates for the story & posts in your blog. I thought I'd give it a shot.
- It's a cute story so far.
I'm curious about how you're going to take it and what sort of symbolism "the golden streak" holds.
- It's easy to follow.
I'll go into this a little more later.
- I want to know more about the characters.
The characters themselves have the potential to be adorable.
- There's no character development.
Everything is streamlined and it's impossible to connect with the main character. It's part of the reason why I want to know more about him.
- There's a lot of space where there could be description.
Everything is really vague... Adding some description to the characters and the surroundings would pull the reader in. As far as I know this is a random school with tie-dye walls and everyone is secretly an elephant.
- Events are introduced in a very... blunt way, and then dropped.
Major events like having one's family murdered isn't just a "by the way, this happened, it sucks, whatever" sort of thing. If anything it seems like it should be a major plot point. Instead of just introducing it like that you might want to build part of the story up to it.
Side notes that are just me being nit-picky:
- Having the entire story centered makes it really hard on my eyes so I had to copy it into a word processor to read it.
- There are a few spelling errors.
I have one piece of open-ended advice: the setting and characters are just as important as dialogue. (Actually it's more important imho)
Take that as you will. Keep it up, though! I'm curious to see how you'll take the story after this. I hope this helps.
Thanks for the greas advice, did you see my new chapter? it has alot more description, i also thought that i should add a bit more description, but i just really wanted to get to the part where the golden streak prince meets the m/c, haha, im sorry, my spelling sucks, even though im a native speaker, i dont think my spellings gonna get any better soon >"< thanks so much for reading, i appriciate it~ did u read my other story? its more romantic, more descriptive but theres little diolauge =3= thanks again~ alot of for the advice, :) its a great honor for me :D
Okay, before i go and study nonstop, i wanted to tell anyone that has read my story "The glass piano" that actually i play the piano and so, the piece that The golden prince plays and also the song for hiro-chans preformance have been created :D I made the songs quite a long time ago, but im thinking of putting it up on youtube but im not sure if i should, to anyone that is reading this, what do u think i should do?
Use the edit button instead of double posting. -jeiru01
I think I'll agree with most of what Quaesitum has said so far...
your story shows potential and so do the characters :) I was hooked to the story as I laid my eyes on it xD
I think the your characters need indeed some further work..I'd like to know more about them and especially about your mc! you've written a couple of things about him that surely want more development like the fact that he was held responsible for his family's murder..I mean 0.o wow...you must put some further thought into that don't you think? What you could do is..introduce an event into the plot but elaborate more on it..don't just get passed it indifferently simply to continue on with the plot ;) then you'll have realistic characters to which one may relate to, or love or hate because of their position in the story..
then I'm gonna have to agree on the description...thingy..use more description to enrich your story and make it even more interesting..simple narration of the rather abruptly introduced events is something you have to avoid..make the transition between facts smoother and let them have a certain motivation and flow
what I've decided to think is this : what you've already posted is a rough draft xD before moving on I suggest you take that "draft" and work on it..I mean really work on it to the last detail! add more things, take your time re-presenting the facts and the characters, say something and don't leave it hanging there but elaborate more on it ;) then you'll have both a solid story and solid characters to base your continuation on..
that's all from me, hope they were helpful ^^
as for the piano pieces....please DO post them!! that is an awesome way to support your story ;)
Thank you for the compliments and the helpful response, I will try to make my chapters coming up more deatailed, but if u havent seen the latest chapter I do recommend that you read it, it was probably the best chapter yet, much more detailed and I just love the way I thought the rooftop looks like :3
Anyways, I wont be posting until about next week, cause I dont have any inpiration, but when I do, ill be sure to keep both you're opinions in mind!!! thank you for reading!!! and I hope you enjoy my other work too, those small poems posted every 2 days or so are also made by me, I hope you take a look and tell me what you think~~~ bye~~ :D
PS: Im not sure if I should post it, because 1, I cant record it without mistakes,2:its very simple... *sigh*
Oh good god, I just came back to this site after months of stalling and changing fandoms.
I guess, this story is either going to just end here, or if you guys really want me to, I could continue it.
I'm terribly sorry for my inactivity /dies of guilt
but I guess I'm here now so, yAY??????
I'm currently in the insane Sherlock fandom, and with each growing day; I assure you my writing is improving. It might be slightly weird for myself to continue where I left off; seeing as the writing style compared to now has almost completely changed, but I'm sure I'll manage.
Happy new year and late Christmas to all of you <3 I'm really sorry about the stalling and everything, but this story will be dead/on hiatus until I get the muse to write, or if people request so.
Thank you for tolerating me <3