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Everything Under The Moon

Strange things.

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by
OVirus53
on 05-20-2012 at 01:04 AM (160 Views)
I smirked a bit when my second ex's mom invited me to her wedding. Wish it wasn't in Louisiana, I'd totally go. Ah well.

That really brings up memory's of last year. That was loads of fun we had running together. I just wish it didn't have to end the way it did. I always left the door wide open, but I can tell she's moved far on. Oh well, it happens a lot. Her mom and soon to be step dad made me feel really comfortable the one time we met at that convention in Oregon. Like I was part of their family or something. I felt really happy that her family was cool with me.

I'm kinda missing all of that now. Kinda feel weird, y'know. Thinking of all those good times, and even though I'm starting to have a blast on my own now, I just kinda feel a little numb compared to then. Like it just wouldn't be the same as that ever.

I try to tell myself it was really overrated, stupid, and that I rushed into it again like I usually do, but it really was something special we had going. I miss her sorely, I do.

Nothing can change what she did and chose though, so I just gotta carry on.

Here's a little music to lighten the mood.

http://youtu.be/U3ycXl9Zom8
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  1. musikalles's Avatar
    musikalles - 05-20-2012 03:32 AM
    Hey, man. I think it really does speak about the relationship her family openned up to you, receiving an invitation to her mom's wedding. I also think it's safe to say, while that interaction with them clicked, you'll be able to feel a 'click' again in some other situation that arises. It's proven possible and probable because it's happened before.

    I'm swimming for words here but this message hits me at a time when it's, well, close to me. I'm a couple months single now after years in a long-term thing, and I'd tell this guy often: I felt so lucky to know, to hang around, and to be accepted by his family. Most of all I was fascinated by them and the way they worked. Just watching them. It felt like research into normalcy. It cracks me up and kills me still... that when we broke up, the one thing I practically pleaded for was for him to never avoid me should we ever end up in the same place at the same time. Our friends (used to, anyway) run in the same circles and parties are famously held at his parents' home. I didn't want to lose them, too, if I'd lost him with no take-backs. People can be petty like that sometimes and that was all I remember grasping in the moment. But now? I mean, it's not like I idly chat with his sister or think about cooking with his mom anymore, but I do want to be able to hug them if the pleasant surprise should somehow arrive in a social moment.

    I'm not only afraid that this person was the only one who'd suffer me gladly, I'm afraid I might never meet and keep a family that sees me as a fit.

    I'm going to post this comment because I wrote it trying to let you know that I empathize and have hope for us. Sorry for the rabbit trail, though. :)
  2. nakahara24's Avatar
    nakahara24 - 05-21-2012 01:09 AM
    the one that got away?
  3. OVirus53's Avatar
    OVirus53 - 05-22-2012 02:38 AM
    @musikalles - No worries about the rabbit trail. It's good to talk and empathize about it. There's always hope, though sometimes it gets agonizing waiting for something-or someone-to present that new opportunity.

    I try desperately hard to keep in touch with even the important people who've broken my heart, I feel like I leave a very large part of my self with them when we part ways. I don't want that part of me to be lost. I admit, this time I've done a far worse job at it that usual. And so it kinda hurts even more. I agonize when a big chunk of me is wandering around out there and there's a lot of unanswered questions and feelings leaving that part of my soul in an agitated state of hysteria. I've gotten a lot better at ignoring it or blocking the feeling out, but it's still always there. It never really goes away until I get answers, one way or another. :/

    @nakahara24 - I think this would definitely fall under that category, yeah. But what's there to do but keep on fishing? I mean, I really hate that phrase, "There's millions of fish in the sea", but that's about the sum of all things in the context of fishing metaphors we started.