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Pen Name Zen Naari

The Melancholy of ZenNaari #6

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Hey guys, long time... I'm in my 4th year highschool and I'm dealing with a lot of things right now...

But now I was allowed to skip school today ^^... so I got some free time to tell you what's happening...

To spice up the intro... let's talk about something eyecatching... how's love life?

Well... I wouldn't know... but I'll tell you how I feel about it lately...

So yes, me and this girl I was telling you about in the last blogs... Still same old same old...

Whenever we chat... I feel like I'm getting closer to the friendzone... >.>

And she more or less lied to me...

But I think it's a good thing...

I'm not sure if I posted about it in my last blog but there was a time when I invited her to our JS prom so we can dance during the last thing... but...

JS prom is next month... and she told me she will go... which made me happy ^^

but I heard from her niece (yes, her niece who is her age) that she was informed by her that she can't go...

Now... did she lie to me, or was it just a sudden happening that I don't know about...

Either way... the outcome is good...

If she lied to me... it means she likes me so she doesn't want to fall in despair...

If it was a happening I don't know about... it means she just doesn't want to tell me the bad news...

but of course, the possibilities are infinite so we have the bad ending which is... she doesn't like me, won't go because she has no reason to... and wants me to feel bad...

Well, as I said... I have no frick'n chance with this girl... so I'm going to take it!~

That... and another problem...

My MU is hitting on me... yes... the girl I said who was my girlfriend, didn't actually want a relationship NOW, so until then it's just a mutual understanding...

She's hitting on me O_O...

constantly talking to me... wringing compliments out of me... giving me something (although nothing as of yesterday)... talking about how we should play in a band while we jam... and now... calling me... O_O...

and giving me the so-called "signals" and "hints"...

O_O... well... I uh... am technically two-timing... I guess?

Still, I'm going for this girl I'm hitting on... If I get friendzoned, well, I'm still giving her cookies for White Day...

(yes, it's a surprise for all the girls cuz... well... nobody knows about White day but me and a few of my classmates... I like the japanese tradition of Valentines and White Day so I'm following that...)

And here I am... telling you guys about how my life is going...

As for my studies, I've been feeling sleepier, more sick, drowsy, lazy, and demotivated during class...

I wish something would just pop out of the sky, tell me that if I do good, I'll get something I can enjoy...

I'm not really in a position to award myself (pockets full of butterflies)

And so, uhm... that's really all I want to say...

You guys are awesome... good luck with your Valentine's dates... even though it's done...

and yeah... if you've read this far, thank ou very much... your comments about how much of a scumbag I am for saying I'm forever alone while I'm having trouble with two girls is still much appreciated...

I'll leave you with that so... bye-bee~~~!!!
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Comments

  1. musikalles's Avatar
    musikalles -
    Zen! :) Always, something exciting going on. I say, good for you. I really like the attitude behind the line "I have no frick'n chance with this girl... so I'm going to take it!" ...People who say they have nothing to lose fight hard to see if they might gain. For sounding pessimistic at first, I see it as really optimistic.

    Not knowing them, I don't know how to help interpret her feelings and actions. But cookies will be a nice gesture regardless.

    Mu--? I'm sorry if I'm out of the right or the loop for asking, but wasn't she... a lesbian, last you told us...? X[ If I'm on crack for getting something wrong, then, I at least hope you are provided with humor.

    Welllllll, you guys were really close. It wouldn't be odd for her to reach out to you in ways she has a good idea will work, but that's super flirtatious sounding. Beats me, man. Only time will tell. Time is a funny thing.

    Join the club!-- I would love very much for an unmistakable life changing sign to give me in black and white directions for what to do with my life. It's tough going only day by day rather than goal by goal, in the long term. No motivation and no direction that I can speak of. You're not alone! Best wishes to all of us who have to find/make our way.
  2. ZenNaari's Avatar
    ZenNaari -
    No... it wasn't the lesbian girl... it was the girl before that... the one I kissed... during the sandstorm... back in the summer...

    Well, it's been a long time... forgot to tell you guys that last Decemeber was our 1st year anniversary of MU...

    Oh, and speaking of the Lesbian girl... she approached me yesterday asking me if I got mad... well... the obvious answer is no... that's the kind of person I am...

    She just told me that she doesn't feel anything for me... she would say yes to me if she did feel something... regardless, she felt happy knowing that I have feelings for her... I still do, just not as crazy as I did... You know... the whole banging my head against the wall and going crazy just thinking about her...

    Now... not so much ^^
  3. musikalles's Avatar
    musikalles -
    Okay, now it's cleared up for me. I remember.
  4. Paperroses's Avatar
    Paperroses -
    You are a scumbag for thinking you're forever alone when you are having problems with two girls! But only because you would appreciate it if I said so ._.

    But seriously, zen, you are a scumbag ;_; Kissing girls in sandstorms and stuff like that... Stop complaining! You're going somewhere in life!

    As for your thoughts on life being easier... I think it's better for life to be hard. It's like a challenge. I mean, if life was easy, would it really be worth living? If we didn't earn anything, would we really be able to enjoy those things?

    Nao excuse me whie I skip school and forget about all those orders people placed on having me make their girlfriends custom-made paper roses.
  5. ZenNaari's Avatar
    ZenNaari -
    Oh Paper, our contradictions in the views of life never fail to make my brain, "work."

    Life is hard. However, there's this thing called pride. We want to stand up, defy the truth that life is hard and just say that life is easy. Yes life is hard, but with pride, we want to stand up and say, "All the obstacles in life, we can jump over. We may stumble, we may fall, but that's all part of it. We will get back up with smiles on our faces. So life, COME AT ME BRO!!!"

    Life is easy... it has many complications, many misunderstandings, many trials and tribulations, which makes it hard but

    We wouldn't be "chosen" to live "life" if it was too hard for us...

    We have the "ability" to live "life" and therefore it is easy...

    What one human can do, the others also can! It just takes a lot of hard work and practice...

    And in the end it becomes easy...

    Complaining eases the pain the same way screaming before every punch actually helps... that's life for ya...