http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?u=21349 Watch Anime / Jdrama / Kdrama / Live Actions online for free. no embeded links, no region lock. watch here for free~ JOIN US~ en Fri, 24 May 2013 14:23:37 GMT vBulletin 10 http://otaku-streamers.com/community/images/styles/blackfolio/misc/rss.jpg http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?u=21349 http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?b=2538 Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:53:54 GMT A friend from out of town recently called me to ask if I could live with her for a month. Of course, I said yes. She's an old roommate of mine and her family is like my family - I'm friends with all of them.

Now, here's the situation. She's eight months pregnant and her husband is out of town until the beginning of February. She told me that I was the first person she thought of who could take care of her and of things around her house while her husband's away. I'm actually really flattered about it. I'm really glad I can do something for her, especially considering how she's helped me out over the past couple of years.

Also, we're both benefiting from this. Ever since the medical news I received, I've been out of town and away from the people I care about. I've had to rely on my family to get me to my medical appointments because all of them are in the city I keep mentioning (and I'm incapable of driving now). Since I'm going to be there, I can work all of my medical appointments around when my friend is going to be home and just bus to all of them myself. It's really efficient.

Not only that, but I've missed her pets too! The thing is, her black lab is a little rambunctious and has a habit of jumping on abdomens. That's one thing I really don't want to have happen to her (especially now) so I just need to keep him on me constantly. Which I don't mind. I love him.

I can't wait until Thursday; I'm getting picked up then. Fffff. I am just generally ecstatic about this whole situation. I'm totally going to be there when she has her baby! :3 ]]> Quaesitum http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?b=2538 http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?b=2477 Sun, 01 Jan 2012 18:43:31 GMT Being left with just my own thoughts for so long has caused them to twist and darken, only to reverberate off of themselves after a time to create... Being left with just my own thoughts for so long has caused them to twist and darken, only to reverberate off of themselves after a time to create kaleidoscopic replications of my delusions to haunt me with - the original image of truth remains trapped behind shattered glass just beyond my reach. I want to piece together a full image of what's transpired to create a semblance of realness for my own sanity.

Is it so wrong to want honesty? Perhaps it'd be wrong to ask that of someone who's accused me of lying to them. The trouble is that I have never lied to this person. But that really isn't trouble at all though, is it? In essence, I'm beating myself up over disregarding the foreshadowing of betrayal for years. That's a terrible flaw of mine: discounting something that is crystal clear just because I don't want to believe it. It's rather callow. The pain that I feel from events brought about this way are partially my fault; if I'd heeded the warnings and put a stop to it sooner, I wouldn't be in the positions I frequently find myself in. I recognize when something doesn't seem right but doing something about it is a different story.

I'm a good person; to be accused of being anything else is ludicrous. Yes, I know I'm very dark. I have morbid thoughts shaped by the melancholic part of my personality branched from despondent portions of my past. I have to embrace that because it's a part of who I am. But I also know very well that I would never do anything to willingly hurt a person who is a part of my life. I am the go-to person for my friends and family for a reason. I'm studying to be a Social Worker because I want to help people realize that they can overcome obstacles and come out on top of what they strive to accomplish, not hinder them. What would be the point then?

To be frank, I'm appalled that I could keep such a person so close for so long. It might be because I considered this person my mentor. There's no point in re-establishing our friendship; that bridge has burned. For them to yield such hostility towards me for seemingly no apparent reason proves how prejudiced against me they are. I've no need for a person like that in my life.

However... knowledge of their "reasoning" behind their accusations would assist me in piecing everything together so I can gain closure and carry on. But like an unkempt jigsaw puzzle, I'm missing a handful of pieces - this time though, they're locked within the mind of another and I've no way of attaining them. ]]> Quaesitum http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?b=2477 http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?b=2405 Wed, 14 Dec 2011 17:36:56 GMT "I guess once more won't hurt."
"Okay, this is going to be the last time."
"... one more time. Just one more."
"I'm going to kill this if I keep it up but I can't stop."

Suddenly, five hours later. You're still at it.
"Might as well head to bed, it's getting pretty late," you tell yourself.
So you go at it once more before you find yourself completely tuckered out and need to pass out.

After heading to bed, the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is go at it again. Sure, there are people in the next room but you need to get your fix. And you get that fix of yours for an hour. People might hear you, but you've totally zoned out. Hell, they might even be talking to you but you just need to go at it "one more time".

This has been my reaction to "212" by Azealia Banks. Marked NSFW for language! ]]> Quaesitum http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?b=2405 http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?b=2385 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 17:29:48 GMT es·cap·ism [ih-skey-piz-uhm]
noun
the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.

The funny thing about my escapist behaviours when they come about is that the things I entertain my mind with often land me in the middle of realizations of the reality I attempt to avoid in roundabout ways. Actually... I'm not sure if I could call it avoidance of reality, instead, maybe it's my way of finding the answers I need. After all, everyone has their set of trials and tribulations to sort through and overcome - some things just take longer than others.

I've recently been hit with a very real concern to my mind and body, quite literally. "There don't seem to be any problems," my neurologist told me at first, "everything seems to be fine." Under blissful ignorance, I took her statement regarding my MRIs as conclusive. I still had concerns regarding the Optic Neuritis that befell me in the springtime that took half of my eyesight - seeing that the five days of intravenous corticosteroids did nothing for the reparation of my blindness.

I was told by my ophthalmologist that my eyesight wouldn't return. Not good news. I consulted my neurologist during another appointment I had with her after more MRIs, regarding what my next step should be. Because of the obvious physical and mental stress I was under, she advised me to drop my studies. I was against it at first; I was in a program I adored, was living in residence, and I didn't have a job to back me up. I'd have to move cities again, back in with one of my parents. Ultimately, I decided that would be the best choice to make. It would allow me to live rent free - essentially free from financial worries - as well as allot me time to grieve my loss. I could pick up my studies later, too.

A month later, I had another appointment with my neurologist for a followup of another two MRIs I had. I was still in my state of blissful ignorance so when she gave me forms for a blood test and mentioned I needed to speak with a specialist at another hospital, I was under the assumption that the treatment for my condition was only similar to what the specialist had to offer. How foolish I was.

Fast-forward to four days ago. I was sitting in the specialist's office, anxiously jittering about because I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. She walked into the office a few minutes afterward. She looked at me, smiled, then said point-blank: "So you must be here for MS treatment options." My first reaction was denial. My second was shock. I wasn't in for something like this. I swore up and down that my neurologist told me everything was fine. I wanted proof. And proof, I received.

I was shown the letters sent from my neurologist's office. Printed word giving light to the truth. "Multiple Sclerosis. White matter lesions on occipital lobe in right cerebral hemisphere." My optimism crashed and burned then and there. I was faced with the most devastating news of my life. I wasn't sent to this specialist because of similar treatment options for the loss of my eyesight. I lost my eyesight because I have MS and I needed treatment to stabilize an incurable disease.

My escapism regarding this did wonders for me until I found myself facing a terrible reality. Realistically, I honestly didn't know it would come to this - but had I explored more options, would I have been more prepared for the news? Would that have been better? Or should I have worked myself up over something that might not have happened at all?

People turn to escapism for a variety of reasons, not just for something as serious as this situation. Even if just for a moment, people just need to take a break from their issues and spend time doing something they enjoy to occupy their minds with something else. My question is: can you simply declare it to be self-care? ]]> Quaesitum http://otaku-streamers.com/community/blog.php?b=2385