Doctor Jaeger
01-18-2011, 06:43 PM
Once again my girlfriend baffles me with her affinity for yuri, an I find myself hastily writing this game review before starting Samameki Koto with someone who will rip my carotid artery out with her teeth if I complain. Not that I’m not a fan of yuri myself, it’s just a little usual that she knows so much about it. Including some intricate and explicit details in the sexual--
Wait, where was I?
Ah yes. For those of you who were expecting my Red Dead Redemption review, I’m not sorry to say it will be delayed for another week. I spent the time I should have been devoted to playing Red Dead Redemption watching Breaking Bad, watching my girlfriend rip peoples balls off in Dead to Rights: Retribution, and playing John Woo’s Stranglehold.
Stranglehold
Developer: Midway, Tiger Hill
Systems: 360, PC, PS3
Plot: Tequila refers to a very specific variety of mescal, a spirit made from the agave plant. Tequila HAS to be made from blue agave and must come from very specific regions, notably Tequila, Mexico, which is known for it’s red volcanic soil that is well suited to the growth of blue agave. The variety of flavors and aging processes essentially make tequila the Mexican answer to Scotch, and I admit to being fond of tequila cruda with reposado tequila. The Tequila Slammer which is equal parts soda and tequila is also delicious.
Tequila is also the nickname of Inspector Yuen, the main character of Stranglehold. Stranglehold is the sequel to John Woo’s 1992 movie Hard Boiled, sadly a movie I have not had the pleasure of viewing because I can’t ever find a copy. Inspector Yuen is named Tequila because of his fondness for Tequila Slammers, but other than that largely comes off as an emotionally jaded anti-hero cop with a tendency to shoot first and ask the medical examiner questions.
After a cop goes missing in Hong Kong, Tequila personally goes into what he knows is a trap in order to protect the identity of an undercover officer in order to get answers. Though the Golden Kane Triads are the initial suspects, Tequila quickly finds out that a mob war has lead to another Triad group to recruit the help of a Russian PMC, and that he may need the Golden Kane’s help to bring down this partnership and rescue innocent civilians caught in the crossfire.
Gameplay: A Tequila Bomb is two parts Red Bull and one part tequila. Let me stress that mixing alcoholic beverages with energy drinks is an extremely stupid thing to do. Caffeine and stimulants do NOT counter the effects of alcohol, it only serves to do further damage to your judgment as you cannot accurately tell just how drunk you are without a breathalyzer. Anyone with half a brain should know to never mix strong depressants with strong stimulants like… oh say… 80 PROOF ALCOHOL AND RED BULL.
Tequila Bomb also refers to Tequila’s special abilities. The game is a third-person shooter with an emphasis on doing things with acrobatic style. While diving through the air, popping out from cover, or running along rails, you enter “Tequila Time,” see the world through the colored filter of rested tequila, and also time slows down. Kills made in Tequila Time earn extra style points, which fills up the Tequila Bomb meter. Tequila Bombs include a small burst of health, the ability to take a discipline free insta-kill shot, temporary invincibility and infinite ammo, or the ability to instantly clear the room.
This is a more old-fashioned shooter. You never have to reload, every round you are carrying is automatically loaded into whichever weapon you are holding. Guns are balanced by stopping power, rate of fire, maximum ammo capacity, and precision, and you encounter so many enemies that you will never find yourself hurting for ammo. Tequila has a large amount of health and carries large amounts of ammo, time slows down whenever you are aiming at an enemy while pulling a stunt, and you have the Tequila Bombs. Despite all this, the game remains balanced because you encounter large numbers of enemies and there is a harsh limit to what Tequila will take cover by. Health does not regenerate on it’s own and health pick-ups are scarce, so if you want to survive, you’ll have to use Tequila Time, Tequila Bombs, and the destructible environments to their fullest.
Voice/Music/Sound: I enjoyed the music personally, and Tequila is voiced by the person who portrayed him in Hard Boiled. That being said, the range of emotion in voice acting is somewhat lacking, but Midway’s reputation is making everything sound beautiful to compensate for poor voice acting.
Graphics: Beautiful scenery, and much of it is destroyable. In reverse Red Faction style, cover found in indoor environments is easily destroyed while outdoor environments tend to focus more on specific objectives. Hoard encounters are almost always indoors, but this usually means that there are rails to dart across, halls for you to dive around, cover for you to pop-out from, and dim sum carts to roll around on, all of these stunts automatically cause you to enter Tequila Time while aiming at an enemy, and the parts of the environment you can interact with or destroy are almost always clear.
Programming: I didn’t encounter that many glitches, though to keep you from leaping to your death, there is a system that ensures you may only dive if you will not injure yourself in the process. This can be a little inhibitive as it isn’t always clear which rails Tequila will dive over and which ones he won’t.
Difficulty: Despite all of Tequila’s superpowers, difficulty remain balanced. There are one or two frustrating points, but anyone who survived the old Dead to Rights games should be able to handle this.
Overall: DEATH TO THE PLAGUE OF REALISM!! After so many games where regenerating health and invincible teammates made cover based shooting too easy, an old fashioned shooter is just what this doctor ordered. Even if you start to wonder if Tequila might be hitting the sauce too hard when he can hardly walk ten feet without diving through the air, I’d be willing to bet that Tequila, Jack Slate and Gordon Freeman could easily take down the squad from Battlefield: Bad Company drunk.
…not that there is any other way with Tequila who chugs two Tequila Slammers in the middle of a cutscene despite knowing for a fact armed Triad thugs were right behind him.
Anyway, Stranglehold is one of the few areas where cinema successfully translated into a game. Fans of cheesy and gritty kung-fu movies will find this to be a logical point to start their gaming career.
Provided that they aren’t nearly thirty and haven’t already started with Pokemon Blue…
My Rating: 3/5: Probably won’t be as charming in the eyes of people who can’t handle the lack of sophistication or realism, but will be fun for people who like taking a superpowered anti-hero and committing mass murder.
And now I take my leave of you to watch an anime starring lesbians. Talk about inconsistent.
Wait, where was I?
Ah yes. For those of you who were expecting my Red Dead Redemption review, I’m not sorry to say it will be delayed for another week. I spent the time I should have been devoted to playing Red Dead Redemption watching Breaking Bad, watching my girlfriend rip peoples balls off in Dead to Rights: Retribution, and playing John Woo’s Stranglehold.
Stranglehold
Developer: Midway, Tiger Hill
Systems: 360, PC, PS3
Plot: Tequila refers to a very specific variety of mescal, a spirit made from the agave plant. Tequila HAS to be made from blue agave and must come from very specific regions, notably Tequila, Mexico, which is known for it’s red volcanic soil that is well suited to the growth of blue agave. The variety of flavors and aging processes essentially make tequila the Mexican answer to Scotch, and I admit to being fond of tequila cruda with reposado tequila. The Tequila Slammer which is equal parts soda and tequila is also delicious.
Tequila is also the nickname of Inspector Yuen, the main character of Stranglehold. Stranglehold is the sequel to John Woo’s 1992 movie Hard Boiled, sadly a movie I have not had the pleasure of viewing because I can’t ever find a copy. Inspector Yuen is named Tequila because of his fondness for Tequila Slammers, but other than that largely comes off as an emotionally jaded anti-hero cop with a tendency to shoot first and ask the medical examiner questions.
After a cop goes missing in Hong Kong, Tequila personally goes into what he knows is a trap in order to protect the identity of an undercover officer in order to get answers. Though the Golden Kane Triads are the initial suspects, Tequila quickly finds out that a mob war has lead to another Triad group to recruit the help of a Russian PMC, and that he may need the Golden Kane’s help to bring down this partnership and rescue innocent civilians caught in the crossfire.
Gameplay: A Tequila Bomb is two parts Red Bull and one part tequila. Let me stress that mixing alcoholic beverages with energy drinks is an extremely stupid thing to do. Caffeine and stimulants do NOT counter the effects of alcohol, it only serves to do further damage to your judgment as you cannot accurately tell just how drunk you are without a breathalyzer. Anyone with half a brain should know to never mix strong depressants with strong stimulants like… oh say… 80 PROOF ALCOHOL AND RED BULL.
Tequila Bomb also refers to Tequila’s special abilities. The game is a third-person shooter with an emphasis on doing things with acrobatic style. While diving through the air, popping out from cover, or running along rails, you enter “Tequila Time,” see the world through the colored filter of rested tequila, and also time slows down. Kills made in Tequila Time earn extra style points, which fills up the Tequila Bomb meter. Tequila Bombs include a small burst of health, the ability to take a discipline free insta-kill shot, temporary invincibility and infinite ammo, or the ability to instantly clear the room.
This is a more old-fashioned shooter. You never have to reload, every round you are carrying is automatically loaded into whichever weapon you are holding. Guns are balanced by stopping power, rate of fire, maximum ammo capacity, and precision, and you encounter so many enemies that you will never find yourself hurting for ammo. Tequila has a large amount of health and carries large amounts of ammo, time slows down whenever you are aiming at an enemy while pulling a stunt, and you have the Tequila Bombs. Despite all this, the game remains balanced because you encounter large numbers of enemies and there is a harsh limit to what Tequila will take cover by. Health does not regenerate on it’s own and health pick-ups are scarce, so if you want to survive, you’ll have to use Tequila Time, Tequila Bombs, and the destructible environments to their fullest.
Voice/Music/Sound: I enjoyed the music personally, and Tequila is voiced by the person who portrayed him in Hard Boiled. That being said, the range of emotion in voice acting is somewhat lacking, but Midway’s reputation is making everything sound beautiful to compensate for poor voice acting.
Graphics: Beautiful scenery, and much of it is destroyable. In reverse Red Faction style, cover found in indoor environments is easily destroyed while outdoor environments tend to focus more on specific objectives. Hoard encounters are almost always indoors, but this usually means that there are rails to dart across, halls for you to dive around, cover for you to pop-out from, and dim sum carts to roll around on, all of these stunts automatically cause you to enter Tequila Time while aiming at an enemy, and the parts of the environment you can interact with or destroy are almost always clear.
Programming: I didn’t encounter that many glitches, though to keep you from leaping to your death, there is a system that ensures you may only dive if you will not injure yourself in the process. This can be a little inhibitive as it isn’t always clear which rails Tequila will dive over and which ones he won’t.
Difficulty: Despite all of Tequila’s superpowers, difficulty remain balanced. There are one or two frustrating points, but anyone who survived the old Dead to Rights games should be able to handle this.
Overall: DEATH TO THE PLAGUE OF REALISM!! After so many games where regenerating health and invincible teammates made cover based shooting too easy, an old fashioned shooter is just what this doctor ordered. Even if you start to wonder if Tequila might be hitting the sauce too hard when he can hardly walk ten feet without diving through the air, I’d be willing to bet that Tequila, Jack Slate and Gordon Freeman could easily take down the squad from Battlefield: Bad Company drunk.
…not that there is any other way with Tequila who chugs two Tequila Slammers in the middle of a cutscene despite knowing for a fact armed Triad thugs were right behind him.
Anyway, Stranglehold is one of the few areas where cinema successfully translated into a game. Fans of cheesy and gritty kung-fu movies will find this to be a logical point to start their gaming career.
Provided that they aren’t nearly thirty and haven’t already started with Pokemon Blue…
My Rating: 3/5: Probably won’t be as charming in the eyes of people who can’t handle the lack of sophistication or realism, but will be fun for people who like taking a superpowered anti-hero and committing mass murder.
And now I take my leave of you to watch an anime starring lesbians. Talk about inconsistent.