The "Laws" of Anime

[Yamirakuru]

NOTE: The following laws are not mine. They are compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito ~ I just took the liberty of sharing it with you guys.

Click here for the source (http://www.abcb.com/laws/index.htm)

Anyways, these here are made as a joke ~ As an otaku, we shouldn't make such a big deal out of this as some of you might get offended with the contents of this here "laws" ~ You have been warned

It's quite long ~ So take your time reading it... and ENJOY

1

Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2

Law of Differentiated Gravitation

Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3

Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics

In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4

Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion

In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5

Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion

The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6

Law of Temporal Variability

Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7

First Law of Temporal Mortality

'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8

Second Law of Temporal Mortality

It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9

Law of Dramatic Emphasis

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10

Law of Dramatic Multiplicity

Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11

Law of Inherent Combustability

Everything explodes. Everything.

*

First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
*

Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".


12

Law of Phlogistatic Emission

Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13

Law of Energetic Emission

There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14

Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude

The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.

*

First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.


15

Law of Inexhaustability

No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16

Law of Inverse Accuracy

The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)

Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

*

First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
*

Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
*

Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.


17

Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability

Minmei is a bimbo.

18
Law of Hemoglobin Capacity

The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19

Law of Demonic Consistency

Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20

Law of Militaristic Unreliability

Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

[Yamirakuru]

21

Law of Tactical Unreliability

Tactical geniuses aren't....

22

Law of Inconsequential Undetectability

People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23

Law of Juvenile Intellectuality

Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24

Law of Americanthropomorphism

Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

*

First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
*

Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.


25

Law of Mandibular Proportionality

(from A. Hicks)

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26

Law of Feline Mutation

(from A. Hicks)

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

1. be female,
2. will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation,
3. and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.


27

Law of Conservation of Firepower

(from Tom Williams)

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28

Law of Technological User-Benevolence

(from Tom Williams)

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29

Law of Melee Luminescence

(from Tom Williams)

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30

Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism

(from Tom Williams)

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31

Law of Follicular Chroma Variability

(from Spellweaver)

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32

Law of Follicular Permanence

Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33

Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics

*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34

Law of Probable Attire

Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.

*

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
*

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.


35

Law of Musical Omnipotence

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36

Law of Quitupular Aggultination

(from Daniel Mikula)

Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:

1. The Hero/Leader
2. His girlfriend
3. His Best Friend/Rival
4. A Hulking Brute
5. A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

1. Extreme Coolness
2. Amazing intelligence
3. Incredible Irritation


37

Law of Extradimensional Capacitance

(from Jason Bustard)

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

*

First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.


38

Law of Hydrostatic Emission

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39

Law of Inverse Attraction

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.

*

First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...


40

Law of Nasal Sanguination

(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41

Law of Xylolaceration

(from Lyndon Harris)

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42

Law of Juvenile Omnipotence

(from Erin Alia)

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43

Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia

There is no Law #43.

44

Law of Nominative Clamovocation

(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45

Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis

(from R. A. Hubby)

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46

Law of Flimsy Incognition

(from Conrad Knauer)

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

[solidoxygen]

Ahahah, 38 is the funniest.

I liked the last one too.

Here's some I thought of...
In many anime cities, the male female ratio is often very skewed. A nerdy and annoying male often achieves the affection of numerous beautiful females. Any other male character is invariably either ignored or ridiculed and used for comedic effect.

Someone you meet suddenly often lives right next to you. Despite going to the same school for years, you never knew they were ever there.

Being Good produces a hormone known as the "Main-Characterosus Hormone" that can heal minor injuries such as: sword through the heart, hole blasted through body, or crushed by boulders."

Armor is absolutely useless in a fight.

[skywalk3r]

Haha, I agree solid. This one's kewl.

[animestardime33]

hahaha... a lot of the laws are funny but true...

[kuyah]

45

Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis

(from R. A. Hubby)

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46

Law of Flimsy Incognition

(from Conrad Knauer)

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

I can actually believe that some laws are true haha. Like omg at 45 and 46

@solid and sky - I also agree lols

[Yamirakuru]

Law of Juvenile Intellectuality

Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

xD This also holds true in the real world ~ in some cases haha


I juz realized why anime characters with guns only run out of ammo when they're cornered... hmmm

If any of you have other Laws ~ Feel free to share them xD

[xiety]

sorry i didnt read fully the law i just scan SO LONG to read it one by one oh well few i understand maybe ?

[Skoibi]

these made me giggle

[CloverLeaf]

so true.. LOL!!
wahahahhah..

[solidoxygen]

I just read this again; the scientific names only makes it funnier. :D

Another one:

People in ecchi shows can trip as many times as they want and never get hurt at all.

[AnkokuRyuu]

lol it gets funnier the more times i read it

[mattduy]

the first rule is the most important one to remember.

[scarlet113]

Lol made me laugh a lot xD

[jeiru01]

hahaha. Awesome. xD made me laugh xD :emhh22:

[mlcdl]

Hahahaha nice finding it

[MioAkiyama]

Law of Feline Mutation
ahahahahha this one is awesome xD
black hanekawa FTW

[notanotaku]

I agree with law 38 but not 44 lol.

What bout "One Thousand Years of Pain" (from Naruto) :P

[zevlag21]

hahaha epic laws i didn't read them all it feels i am memorizing some laws of physics

[Keir06]

Very Cool Indeed :D

[SH1Tmakasit]

I wish these were the laws of real life! XD FTW

[IndI311]

haha..
..don't like these laws..
...because their so true..
...it makes anime sound cheap..
..but its still funny..
.

[Snoozy19]

I like the Law of Dramatic Emphasis

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

SOO True in epic fights..

[Elexia12]

I wish these were the laws of real life! XD FTW

RAWR!! I agree with u :D

[BrokenAngel]

Lol the funniest part is how true this all is xD

[ZenNaari]

ZenNaari's Harem Anime Laws:

The Law of Estroclothing:
All harem animes (High-school) include the following events of clothing:
-Scene where all girls whear a Kimono
-The "Gratious Shower Scene"
-The "Gratious Tub Scene"
-Scene where all girls wear a bikini, usually, one will wear a school swimsuit
-If a beach is not available, there's always a pool, and if it's not a pool, it's a hot spa

Law of 2ndepisodeEstroattention:
You will usually see a girl from a harem anime appear in the 2nd episode sparkling with a rainbowish background, if not the 1st episode

Law of SuddenGirlfriendAppearance:
Sudden girlfriend appearances are usually done like so
-Meeting up, then leaving each other, only to meet up again closer to one another... (School, house, work, etc.)


Law of Harem girls and relationship with one another:
If a harem anime has at least 5 girls, then this is usually their group... there are 2
-A Tsundere... usually having a normal chest size... and just happens to like the main char in secret
-A Drunk/replacable by a glasses character/or busty character...who tanks the main and does in all ways distract him from everything
-A loli Character... who rivals with the busty character
-A rich character/replaceable by a quiet character... who breaks the fight of the loli and busty character but is usually ignored after doing so
-A stupid side character that appears in the middle of the anime... that tries to steal the main character in which thus angering the tsundere

-A "WIFE" character... who is all loyal to the main
-A rival to the wife character... who tries to steal the main... then suddenly living in the main's house witht he WIFE character
-Bossy Character/replacable by tsundere with small chest... who keeps calling the main perv
-Glasses character... doesn't intend to steal the main but has small advances with the main
-The completely irrelevant character... one who has nothing to do with the story... and will appear to be cool in the last episode...

More later... ^^

[Vidact]

That list is full of lulz.

[ZenNaari]

The Main Character in Harem is always:
-A weak Character
-A college drop-out
-An easily-angered character
-Not much of a pervert

^^

[Jarsha]

=o well... I got bored so I hope this is acceptable ;.;

Law of inverse Destruction:
The amount of destructive power contained in any form of weaponry is directly inverse in proportion to its size.
(cricket from MIB anyone?)

[tokiya8]

hahaha.. the laws are interesting and funny. However what can we do about it since anime is a fictional world. With its creative limitless imagination, we are bound to it..

[Sywen]

a few more laws :

if someone dies you can be sure 75% of them is coming back to live at some point (code geass anyone?)


a main character will always have atleast 10 of these points:
annoying spunky sister,
the childhood sweetheart,
stupid and energetic best friend,
girl who keeps abusing this best friend,
(classmates with) a part-time job in a cafe,
a girl with heart problems,
parents gone,
a terrible cook,
school sports festival,
shrine festival (complete with yukatas)
a beach or onsen
a sakura tree
a big-boobed hot chick in a swimsuit
alongside her is her younger sister, also in swimsuit.
We have this evil power that brainwashes everyone,
there's an angsty love triangle subplot,
people getting into fights over the smallest misunderstanding
and let's not forget the animal sidekick.


if the end fight is going wrong, there always will be an inexplainable force, coming out of nowhere winning the day (deus ex machina)




Law of Technological User-Benevolence

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

should be :the formal training required to operate any craft is directly proportional to the age of the pilot
it seems more how younger the pilot, how easier it is to pilot something.

[qwertyuiop10]

whaaaaaaa!

so many......

based on science?(law of refraction!LOL)

[ReaperX]

I rolflmao'd a lot while reading this....but they are so true

[dthmadness]

soo true!! and soo funny!!!!!!! xD a woman will hit harder than any villian you will ever encounter EVER and there is no way to avoid it, no matter how skilled you are xD

[Shiro]

I didn't know a similar thread already existed :wahaha:
Oh well xD
All the "laws" listed are so true

[Doctor Jaeger]

You forgot the laws that state all music must be terrible and all females must get breast augmentation, though it's left up to them whether they want to be flat chested or have two honeydews sewed under their flesh.

[Biak911]

There is only one law that can summarize all this....Anime...HAS NO LAWS!!!! XD XD XD

[MCoftheD]

The Main Character in Harem is always:
-A weak Character
-A college drop-out
-An easily-angered character
-Not much of a pervert



^^
Not if you've seen Sora no Otoshimono then. Biggest perv ever

[maho tsukai]

ohyeah...their all true...its so hard to memorize xD!

[Viletomb2010]

LOL. This makes me laugh. They are all true in anime and also some can be applied in real life.

[aienma1107]

LOL at law 46 x) these are epic laws!

[chrono213]

haha, this made me rofl, I see some of the laws IRL

[ogphatkat]

Well thta's a great overview but i want all of my anime uncensored...lol

[shairokinixi]

HAHAHAHA
none of the post are seriously un-awesome!
cool!