Doctor Jaeger
11-19-2010, 12:33 AM
Yesterday was a long day. My girlfriend was busy but i had the afternoon clear, so i went to see a movie with a "Friend." We've known each other for a few years, he lives in the apartment below mine, and we're fellow gamers. When he suggested to go see a show, i thought we'd catch a play, but instead he took me to a theater in Chinatown to watch Due Date. I didn't object initially, the rule has always been that the person paying for the tickets selects the show, person who doesn't pay for consesccions is tasked with smuggling the M&Ms that we both like to mix with the popcorn. Perhaps i should have been suspicious. I find myself with a practical bucket of my favorite soft drink, two bags of dark chocolate M&Ms i didn't pay for, and popcorn lightly salted with no "Butter." If something is too good to be true, it's best to keep an escape plan handy. I broke that rule.
Due Date was the worst movie i have seen this year. And THAT is saying something when you add on the fact that i also watched Resident Evil: Afterlife, Paranormal Activity 2, Cats & Dogs, and Despicable Me. Horrible writing, horrible jokes, horrible characters, it just made me want to go Keiichi Maebara and tear my own throat out. And this isn't the first time my friend has treated me to the bitter taste of toro meirda. The video games he's given me as gifts are almost always terrible. Sonic Unleashed? I hate 3D Sonic games period, but that was by far the worst of the lot. Assassin's Creed: Altair's Chronicles? I still can't look at my Nintendo DS the same way. And Star Wars: The Force Unleashed...
Star Wars... my relationship with that series is spotted. When it was just "Star Wars" and "The Empire Strikes Back" things were in a simpler time, those special effects were the peak of their technology and i was young and naiive. But the prequel series? Cartoon series? And the GAMES? Dear lord, Lucas, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR OWN CREATION?! Take this game for example...
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Publisher: Lucas Arts Games
Systems: Several
Plot: Set in the newly conceived "Apprentice Ark" which begins right after the Galactic Empire is established and the Clone Wars end, you initially take control of Darth Vader. We still can't look at him the same way, the story of Anakin Skywalker still makes me want to vomit on this laptop. Slaughtering Wookies won't change what i have seen, Vader, you lost your throne of Sci-Fi Badass King a long time ago, and you won't reclaim it from Urdnot Wrex.
Anyway, as Vader you are on a mission to track down a rogue Jedi Knight who held a secret that could destabilize the newly established Empire. Initially believing it to be the rogue knights master, you instead discover the man's son. After Vader kills the knight but saves the young boy from Stormtroopers, he trains to boy to be his apprentice. Codenaming him Starkiller, giving him the best powers and skills the dark side had to offer, and even giving him the prequel actors incredible ability of being a whiney hack with no personality (A talent he uses in cinematics to try and get his enemies to take pity on him when he is losing), he gives Starkiller a mission to track down Jedi and give them plasma colonoscopies, with the ultimate goal of killing the Emperor.
Gameplay: If i were to sum this up with game comparisons, the gameplay is like Devil May Cry and Legacy of Kain: Defiance had a baby, and then dropped that baby on it's head. With a multitude of glitches, no edge detection, no ability to grip ledges, an auto-aim system less reliable than a kleptomaniac security guard, and a camera that hasn't quite gotten all the bugs worked out, the most difficult part of the game is trying to cope with a game that seems to have never been play tested.
Now it's not like it's all bad. Though it is unreliable in cramped quarters the camera is still cooperative enough and lighting and shadows responsive enough to make the platforming elements possible. Most of the environment is destructible, and you can use your force powers to brutalize enemies in a variety of ways ranging from throwing enemies off of bottomless ledges to hitting them with such a complex lightsaber combo, if Lucas wasn't so terrified of releasing an M rated Star Wars game we'd see some pretty impressive dismemberment. When you do get the auto-aim to cooperate, abilities like the Lightsaber Throw and Force Lightning are effective, but the combat with what should be mini-bosses and main bosses, with one exception, is flat-out broken. Some combos are magic bullets, the Sith Strike (Sword, lightning, lightning combo) keeps all large enemies stunned long enough for you to reactivate the combo, you can just keep that up until they drop. The saber smash ability (Sword, sword, sword, push) actually works on all bosses except for the midget of the junk world. And since reaching hidden items like Jedi Holocrons have you traversing the poorly conceived terrain, you may find it too frusterating to try and find all hidden items since in some cases it is actually hard to tell when the terrain ends and when you're about step onto an instant kill zone.
Music/Sound/Voice: I've gotten sick of the Star Wars theme at this stage, the fact that some cutscenes can't be skipped until you're so far into them gets annoying as well. Also there is a major lack of variety in human enemy archetypes. In less than an hour of brutally murdering Startroopers you'll have heard every line of dialogue they can offer. Same with Kota's Militia, and the aliens dialogue is even more limited. Sound is decently made, but voice-acting and music are sub-par.
Graphics: Not particularly bad looking, though there are several issues in which what you should be aiming at is never clear, and it is easy to get lost in some areas. I'm not holding this to the standard of the 80s, this is the 21st century, and this would be very impressive were The Force Unleashed released on the Xbox. Cinematics look good but this is a VIDEO GAME, cutscenes can't serve as a crutch, it has to be the gameplay.
Programming: Glitches galore! Many of them causing crashes, almost 1/4 of the time a game will crash while loading. Why is that bad? Because it does it while the game is trying to save. I've had the save data corrupted twice. Though the worst part is the final mission when the mission objective screen reads "Default Text." Not just poorly made, lazy. There is also another mission where you have to grab a Star Destroyer freighter and pull it to the ground as part of a QTE. Guess what? YOU have to memorize which position the destroyer has to be in, because after the second repetition the game forgets and gives you bad prompts.
Difficulty: Like i said, dealing with the glitches and environment is more difficult than the enemies. Any Devil May Cry or Ninja Gaiden veteran will laugh at the hard difficulty, and most of what you encounter is little more than cannon fodder.
Final Opinion: This is inexcusably bad. George Lucas has enough money to buy New Jersey, but he hires lazy writers and programmers who seem to have never play tested or checked for bugs and errors. Maybe worth renting just for the sake of murdering all the Stormtroopers you'd like, buy Devil May Cry 4 is cheaper and Nero is only slightly more annoying. Still, it's not so bad that i'd recommend Bayonetta.
Rating: 3/10
Loosened Standard Rating: 4/10
Why?: Considering it's legacy, i hold Star Wars to a stricter standard. This was hardly a time for Lucas to be jerking off, Mass Effect is challenging it's legacy.
Now i am aware that The Force Unleashed 2 is out, and i have a feeling my "Friend" will buy me that sequel. If that's the case, i'll be sure to follow this up.
Due Date was the worst movie i have seen this year. And THAT is saying something when you add on the fact that i also watched Resident Evil: Afterlife, Paranormal Activity 2, Cats & Dogs, and Despicable Me. Horrible writing, horrible jokes, horrible characters, it just made me want to go Keiichi Maebara and tear my own throat out. And this isn't the first time my friend has treated me to the bitter taste of toro meirda. The video games he's given me as gifts are almost always terrible. Sonic Unleashed? I hate 3D Sonic games period, but that was by far the worst of the lot. Assassin's Creed: Altair's Chronicles? I still can't look at my Nintendo DS the same way. And Star Wars: The Force Unleashed...
Star Wars... my relationship with that series is spotted. When it was just "Star Wars" and "The Empire Strikes Back" things were in a simpler time, those special effects were the peak of their technology and i was young and naiive. But the prequel series? Cartoon series? And the GAMES? Dear lord, Lucas, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR OWN CREATION?! Take this game for example...
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Publisher: Lucas Arts Games
Systems: Several
Plot: Set in the newly conceived "Apprentice Ark" which begins right after the Galactic Empire is established and the Clone Wars end, you initially take control of Darth Vader. We still can't look at him the same way, the story of Anakin Skywalker still makes me want to vomit on this laptop. Slaughtering Wookies won't change what i have seen, Vader, you lost your throne of Sci-Fi Badass King a long time ago, and you won't reclaim it from Urdnot Wrex.
Anyway, as Vader you are on a mission to track down a rogue Jedi Knight who held a secret that could destabilize the newly established Empire. Initially believing it to be the rogue knights master, you instead discover the man's son. After Vader kills the knight but saves the young boy from Stormtroopers, he trains to boy to be his apprentice. Codenaming him Starkiller, giving him the best powers and skills the dark side had to offer, and even giving him the prequel actors incredible ability of being a whiney hack with no personality (A talent he uses in cinematics to try and get his enemies to take pity on him when he is losing), he gives Starkiller a mission to track down Jedi and give them plasma colonoscopies, with the ultimate goal of killing the Emperor.
Gameplay: If i were to sum this up with game comparisons, the gameplay is like Devil May Cry and Legacy of Kain: Defiance had a baby, and then dropped that baby on it's head. With a multitude of glitches, no edge detection, no ability to grip ledges, an auto-aim system less reliable than a kleptomaniac security guard, and a camera that hasn't quite gotten all the bugs worked out, the most difficult part of the game is trying to cope with a game that seems to have never been play tested.
Now it's not like it's all bad. Though it is unreliable in cramped quarters the camera is still cooperative enough and lighting and shadows responsive enough to make the platforming elements possible. Most of the environment is destructible, and you can use your force powers to brutalize enemies in a variety of ways ranging from throwing enemies off of bottomless ledges to hitting them with such a complex lightsaber combo, if Lucas wasn't so terrified of releasing an M rated Star Wars game we'd see some pretty impressive dismemberment. When you do get the auto-aim to cooperate, abilities like the Lightsaber Throw and Force Lightning are effective, but the combat with what should be mini-bosses and main bosses, with one exception, is flat-out broken. Some combos are magic bullets, the Sith Strike (Sword, lightning, lightning combo) keeps all large enemies stunned long enough for you to reactivate the combo, you can just keep that up until they drop. The saber smash ability (Sword, sword, sword, push) actually works on all bosses except for the midget of the junk world. And since reaching hidden items like Jedi Holocrons have you traversing the poorly conceived terrain, you may find it too frusterating to try and find all hidden items since in some cases it is actually hard to tell when the terrain ends and when you're about step onto an instant kill zone.
Music/Sound/Voice: I've gotten sick of the Star Wars theme at this stage, the fact that some cutscenes can't be skipped until you're so far into them gets annoying as well. Also there is a major lack of variety in human enemy archetypes. In less than an hour of brutally murdering Startroopers you'll have heard every line of dialogue they can offer. Same with Kota's Militia, and the aliens dialogue is even more limited. Sound is decently made, but voice-acting and music are sub-par.
Graphics: Not particularly bad looking, though there are several issues in which what you should be aiming at is never clear, and it is easy to get lost in some areas. I'm not holding this to the standard of the 80s, this is the 21st century, and this would be very impressive were The Force Unleashed released on the Xbox. Cinematics look good but this is a VIDEO GAME, cutscenes can't serve as a crutch, it has to be the gameplay.
Programming: Glitches galore! Many of them causing crashes, almost 1/4 of the time a game will crash while loading. Why is that bad? Because it does it while the game is trying to save. I've had the save data corrupted twice. Though the worst part is the final mission when the mission objective screen reads "Default Text." Not just poorly made, lazy. There is also another mission where you have to grab a Star Destroyer freighter and pull it to the ground as part of a QTE. Guess what? YOU have to memorize which position the destroyer has to be in, because after the second repetition the game forgets and gives you bad prompts.
Difficulty: Like i said, dealing with the glitches and environment is more difficult than the enemies. Any Devil May Cry or Ninja Gaiden veteran will laugh at the hard difficulty, and most of what you encounter is little more than cannon fodder.
Final Opinion: This is inexcusably bad. George Lucas has enough money to buy New Jersey, but he hires lazy writers and programmers who seem to have never play tested or checked for bugs and errors. Maybe worth renting just for the sake of murdering all the Stormtroopers you'd like, buy Devil May Cry 4 is cheaper and Nero is only slightly more annoying. Still, it's not so bad that i'd recommend Bayonetta.
Rating: 3/10
Loosened Standard Rating: 4/10
Why?: Considering it's legacy, i hold Star Wars to a stricter standard. This was hardly a time for Lucas to be jerking off, Mass Effect is challenging it's legacy.
Now i am aware that The Force Unleashed 2 is out, and i have a feeling my "Friend" will buy me that sequel. If that's the case, i'll be sure to follow this up.