The Fallen

[Jarsha]

Recently tried to write something in school, teach and a few friends said it was decent so... well hope you like.

And here I go
______________________________
Silence. The purity of nothing, nearly tangible. The absence of everything, one moment of peace. A primal scream shattered the silence. Shattered the one moment of bliss that was left to him. The ring of steel, a single note. The rush of air as the blade falls, the soft sound of his blade breaking free from the body. Silence, but it was to late; the spell had broken. Twisting the blade quickly he removed the dark stain lest he mar the purity of her. Yes... he thought. Her... was I not enough?...
He left the grisly scene before him, oh so like the one where he had met her. He had given her everything, and she had left him; leaving him with nothing. A soft, almost inaudible sound broke free from his lips. A song of mourning, unearthly music. No words can fully grasp the entirety of what emotion he let into the night sky, it was nothing short of eternally beautiful even while bring one to the feeling of absolute despair. The music had no words; and it needed none.
A single tear fell from him. The only reprieve he allowed himself.
Closing his heart once more, he knelt to retrieve a single strand hair from the body; the life he had ended. Righting himself he left into the night.
__________________________________________________ ____________________________

Yeah... I know its short but I don't want to spend a lot of time if no one likes it >.<
Tell me what you think, I know my grammar sucks and my style of writing is kinda odd, so please don't hesitate to give me some pointers if you can =3...
Thanks for reading what I guess could be called an intro.

Review Thread : http://otaku-streamers.com/community/showthread.php?4844-Reviews-Comments-thread-for-The-Fallen&p=90560#post90560

[Jarsha]

Well Ill try to not make so many simple word placement mistakes this time ><

__________________________________________________ ________________

The world was bathed in a scarlet dye, covering, smothering all. The entire glade was coated in blood, grass, bent under its weight. The ground, pounded, mixed with the gore to make a foul concoction that stuck to ones person for days. Blood, not yet given time to congeal and harden dripped from leaves, shrubbery, everything. No! No! NO! Please no!Strips of flesh littered the ground. Human appendages, bent at impossible angles were driven into the ground; it was no longer possible to distinguish what a body, nay even what part of a body had belonged to whom, or even if they be from man or woman, adult or child. NO NO NO NO! I DON'T WANT TO NO! STOP IT! A single pair of foot steps lead away from the horrifying scene. None but a single person had escaped. Hair, darker than night, eyes, the brightest blue one could imagine. Skin, wonderfully smooth, enticingly pale, not yet marked by time. His clothing, torn, ragged, stained with the blood of his kin. ANYTHING BUT THIS! PLEASE! He had taken shelter in a shallow cave, sheer, unadulterated terror, filled his eyes, filled his soul. The sound of pursuit filled his mind, he could not have known what awaited him. PLEASE! NOT AGAIN!
the sound of tearing flesh forced its way toward him, throaty, hoarse laughter, sounding so human, came to him. Close, they were to close. Why? WHY! WHY! The final gift his father had given to him, his final act, the only thing he had that could possibly save his only son. He had hoped that it would never be the time to pass it along, to pass the invocation to her along.MOTHER! MOMMY! NO NO NO! SAVE ME! The final words and final warning his father had given echoed throughout his fear stricken mind. Mother.. Father... I'm so sorry. Im sorry I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! Shakily, hesitantly, preparing the proper symbols upon the ground he whispered what he expected to be his final prayer. "?berzeugung. Habitum atruim Invictus, Yami. I son of Elversa, son of Creisa. Show thyself! Come before he, ancestor of Anzrintsa, come before he, protector of Balverl! Come! In the oath of mine and mine predecessors blood! Lorelei! WHY WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? WHY! Time stopped. A void tore through the protective elements place both in, and about himself. A voice, both beautiful and vile, dangerous and protective, soft more so than velvet, yet more rough than granite. Cascaded through him. Ecstasy, Pain, pure emotion, more than any and all combined he had previously experienced nearly overwhelmed him. LORELEI!
He awoke, drenched in a cold sweat. The ache of longing surged through his body. Fear and pain from the dream, or was it memory, pressed him in from all sides. His eyes, so bright, no longer the blue he no longer remembered, a tempered, violet gaze shone from his brow. Looking down at himself he called for one of the many maidens who longed to bring even a moments peace to their lord, their master, their savior.
Once again he would try to lose himself, his emotion in the arms of another. No matter what though, two thoughts always broke through his mental barriers and placed themselves at the forefront of his mind, Lorelei.... why?
I need you Lorelei...