Are you afraid of commitment and marriage?

[Bindu1000]

I am!!! Not so much of commitment but terrified of marriage. Its seems so final and binding and I feel my freedom to be myself will be gone

This is considered an oddity in my country especially for a female and I either get strange looks, or unsolicited advise on how miserable I will be if I dont get a husband soon or in the worst case - horrified reactions
Just would like to know what the others think :1:

By the way - when I say freedom, its not to go partying and playing around, but the freedom to sleep in late when I want, watch anime or read all night, or just spend the day doing nothing but bumming around:biggrin:

[SquishyNinja]

I am so afraid of commitment! I feel like it will destroy my "Me Time."
Of course, the fact that I'm afraid of commitment could be that I've never actually gotten even close to having a commitment, but whatever -_-

[digi0009]

not really commitment but marriage ,yeh, kinda

[fatcharley]

@bindu1000 - if you find the right person you can be commited and still have your own space. The only real down side is having kids before you are ready to share your space with them ... once they show up you're stuck with them in your space for at least the next 18 or so years ...

[bootwhistle]

I am!!! Not so much of commitment but terrified of marriage. Its seems so final and binding and I feel my freedom to be myself will be gone

This is considered an oddity in my country especially for a female and I either get strange looks, or unsolicited advise on how miserable I will be if I dont get a husband soon or in the worst case - horrified reactions
Just would like to know what the others think :1:

By the way - when I say freedom, its not to go partying and playing around, but the freedom to sleep in late when I want, watch anime or read all night, or just spend the day doing nothing but bumming around:biggrin:

I think I know where you're coming from, having grown up in Canada, the expectations in SL are bit odd. Practically just after I arrived I would get a lot of questions about my marital status, marital plans, girls that I'm interested in, suggestions of... ack, it seems to be a hobby of people... that and food... every function involves food and the most common question being 'have you eaten, and are you married?' ... uhm, anyway.

I'm not going comment on whether it is good or bad, but the culture in the west seems to be (in general) you can meet people of the opposite sex freely, explore relationships, then when you get to know someone you can decide to marry. In SL (again in general) it seems that it is expected that if you even go out with someone it has to be with marriage in mind - which feels like way too much pressure!

So I think it just has to do with pressure, for myself I'm not really afraid of marriage or commitment, but I want to be sure it's to the right person. I don't know how people can get married just for the sake of getting married.

This may seem a little snarky but I mean it's not like there is a shortage of people in the world... why rush to get married and have a ton of kids? Again I am not against marriage or children but there should be a better reason than "it is expected"

The hard part is finding someone that is compatible, because that means putting yourself out there more often than not getting hurt looking for the right person. Meh, I've kinda developed a cynical attitude on the whole thing, but still a bit of a romantic hoping one day to find that elusive trustworthy soul.

Haha, this comment is a bit ranty but six months of unsolicited marital advice tends to wear one down.

Though in the end what I guess I'm saying is that if you eventually find the right person it'll just mean that you'll have someone to "sleep in late, watch anime, read all night, or just spend the day doing nothing but bumming around" with.

[nostalgia823]

not applicable for my age.. hehehe too young to think of it... hehehe

[Bindu1000]

not applicable for my age.. hehehe too young to think of it... hehehe

Hahaha ... in SL they start looking for marriage partners for the girls once they pass 18 ... :1:

[Disruptor]

both because ill be having less time for anime than before.

[FluffynpinK]

I think I'm kinda afraid of commitment..
If a boy likes me, I go all cold & avoid him... but then when its too late I start liking him back T_T

But I'm getting better xD

[clownman]

if by commitment you mean relationships, then not at all, as for marriage, dont plan on getting married. Its not that im afraid of it, its just how i see the future playing out.

[skywalk3r]

Me, still a kid. I can't finish college with... arrg, what am I saying?

[nostalgia823]

Hahaha ... in SL they start looking for marriage partners for the girls once they pass 18 ... :1:

oh yeah? hahah my mom would kick my behind for that...
"study first" thats what she always say to me....

[cocabonga]

I think I'm kinda afraid of commitment..
If a boy likes me, I go all cold & avoid him... but then when its too late I start liking him back T_T

But I'm getting better xD

tsundere eh?

i think of marriage very seriously, so not afraid of it but i wouldnt decide easily either. would take me a long while to commit like that.

[avich]

Nervous and scared because I don't know what life would throw at us but the fact that I could spend my life waking up in the morning/afternoon cuddling someone I truly love who loves my back or be able to sing her to sleep(or wait for her to sleep then sing, if my voice keeps her awake. haha) every night is enough for me to want to take the risk. I know its worth it. :D

[animestardime33]

~~~hmmm... maybe i'm not afraid but i've never gotten near to be committed or being in a relationship before... maybe it's just because i don't really have interest in boys now...hehehe

[Bindu1000]

There's 100% truth in this statement, or you've married the wrong person.

In my opinion, some of the primary requirements for a person I would even consider spending my life with are:
- We have to be able to be friends, not just "in love"
- We have to be considerate of each other and the fact that we're human, require showers, wake up with morning breath, and show the general public a slightly more presentable appearance (unless you roll out of bed in the morning and walk right out the door).
- There has to be a certain level of tolerance towards bad habits (throwing clothes on the floor, etc).
- There has to be the ability to compromise for activities. If he wants to watch a Bruce Lee movie and I'm in the mood for Beauty and the Beast, both will happen. Not at the same time, but one choice will be used "next time", and we won't go back on that.

Fortunately, I truly believe I've found the love of my life. He's my best friend, as well, so things aren't just dependent on how much we love each other (initially, he was just a friend when we got together, but he's progressed to "best friend"). We build kites, go to the aquarium or zoo, carve pumpkins, have sleepovers (and it's only sleeping, which makes it that much better), have picnics and tea parties, go trick-or-treating, and have myriads of adventures.

The moment when I realized that I could live with him: It was 3:00 AM after driving back from a concert. I was exhausted and he didn't want me to drive home. I hadn't planned on sleeping over, so all I had was my purse, high heels, and the dress I was wearing. He loaned me his pajamas. When we woke up later, he was about to kiss me. I refused,"No, don't! I have morning breath! I don't have a toothbrush!" He told me to go use his.

It's difficult to explain, but any person who would let me use something as intimate as a toothbrush, I could live with as a human being. In that moment, I realized that if I were sick with the flu, covered in sweat, and vomiting, he would probably be holding my hair back and not thinking about how gross the situation was - he would only be worried about me feeling better.

That was the only problem I would ever have with commitment - would I still be loved behind closed doors, in my worst and most unattractive situations? I have the love, and I have my other half - he knows me better than I know myself at times, and he typically alleviates any worries before I even voice them. So, my hobbies, free time watching anime, and bumming around? If I didn't have anything better to do (like work or house work), I think he wouldn't mind, and would probably even join me.

/speech :p

Hmmm ... I must say this post gave me a whole new perspective. I guess underneath it all is the fear that would I be loved during my worst moments as you say? Living alone I am so used to showing a 'mask' to the world, I am afraid how the person wud react to the real me.
*goes off to meditate on this post*

Quote
Nervous and scared because I don't know what life would throw at us but the fact that I could spend my life waking up in the morning/afternoon cuddling someone I truly love who loves my back or be able to sing her to sleep(or wait for her to sleep then sing, if my voice keeps her awake. haha) every night is enough for me to want to take the risk. I know its worth it. :D Unquote

Awww Chiva ... she is a lucky woman ...

[russj]

uhm.. no im not afraid to get married...

for me, thats part of life. whats scary is not being able to support your wife in times of need.
no its not the same of being afraid of marriage, it works as well with your parents, friends, gf/bf

i dont get the "im ok with commitment but not marriage" thing.. isnt commitment same with marriage?

marriage is something you prepare for. look before you leap

[FluffynpinK]

tsundere eh?

i think of marriage very seriously, so not afraid of it but i wouldnt decide easily either. would take me a long while to commit like that.



tsundere ?
what is that?

[momochan1612]

I'm married and so far it is pretty cool although we have known each other since high school and dated for about 8 years. Just make sure you know the person you are marrying. A lot of my friends are divorced or marital problems because they spent like a year or two dating. But once they got married they soon realize that they really didn't know each other. So take your time whenever decide to make that commitment. Marry when you feel the time is right. Don't let anyone put pressure on you either. Like now friends, family members and co-workers are pressuring me to have a baby! I'm not ready to have a child!!!!!! Geez I just got a job in my career!!!!!! Anyway hope my advice helps to all you young people :O) Enjoy your youth please being a grown up sucks sometimes!!!

[starshinne]

I totally know where you're coming from momochan!! I dated my husband for almost 6 yrs before we got married and we've been married for over 10 yrs now. I know a lot of people who married after a relatively short dating period and it was doomed. My friends / co-workers are also pressuring me to have a baby.

I say take full advantage of dating. Where is it written that you must marry soon after starting to date? Get to know as much about the other person as possible. GET TO KNOW THEIR FAMILY. I think this is super important. How can you truly know someone if you don't know where they've come from?? If you find someone you can be in a committed long-term relationship with, and by long-term I mean more than a couple of yrs, why would marriage not seem logical?

[Juuri]

Uhm I don't plan to get on married for now ^^;;.. I'm 17!! But I act really strange when I know a boy likes me o.O I always hang out with boys (more then girls) so when I know he likes me I go all shy and stuff like that >.< Dunno why actually but I think I am a little afraid of commitment... >.>

[digi0009]

Uhm I don't plan to get on married for now ^^;;.. I'm 17!! But I act really strange when I know a boy likes me o.O I always hang out with boys (more then girls) so when I know he likes me I go all shy and stuff like that >.< Dunno why actually but I think I am a little afraid of commitment... >.>

That might not be a problem of commitment, it may be cause u've never been in a serious relationship before !

[avich]

yes it is. Because in order to have a serious relationship you need to commit to it first. =/

[Henlin28]

im not scraed of commitment or marriage. but marriage will have to wait til im 30 or something. lol. :D

[grandthinker1]

Commitments isn't something to be afraid of. It's like deciding on a pet do, (a horrendous example I know) if you're going to own a pet you have to make sure you can like the pet you want to own. You have to make sure the pet doesn't have a habit that will complicate life drastically, or that you can really dedicate your time to the pet. So really, commitment is like choosing the pet you wish to have until you or it dies. (bad example once again :P)

Marriage, to continue with my comparison, would the be the buying, or "adopting," of the pet. Of course you can get rid of the pet, divorce, hit your pet, abuse, or care for your pet, love, or even just ignore your pet, kill. So, basically, since I'm talking in circles... don't buywhat you can't own, and don't pick what you don't know. >_>;;

[avich]

Have you been watching Kimi Wa Petto? XD

[solidoxygen]

marriage seems like an end of life to me

[avich]

Your probably are a party guy to say that XD

[Bindu1000]

marriage seems like an end of life to me

Hahahaha ... at least someone who thinks a bit like me :biggrin:

[fatcharley]

@Bindu1000 well it may be the end or the beginning .... I've had the same one now for 38 years and its been a good life .....

[Bindu1000]

Hahaha true... its cases like yours one or two friends that make me question my fear. I see them so happy after many years of marriage but then for every happy marriage I see 10 - 15 miserable or broken ones and I wanna go hide under the bed again :4:

[fatcharley]

Be sure to check to find out who or what is under there before you crawl under the bed ... could be something that was lurking in one of our dark corners ... lol

All kidding aside .. be sure you know what you are getting into before you go down that path and the chances of success will increase greatly .... Starshine said she dated her partner for 6 six years before she took the plunge ... whatever it takes to make you feel good about it ...

[solidoxygen]

Be sure to check to find out who or what is under there before you crawl under the bed ... could be something that was lurking in one of our dark corners ... lol

All kidding aside .. be sure you know what you are getting into before you go down that path and the chances of success will increase greatly .... Starshine said she dated her partner for 6 six years before she took the plunge ... whatever it takes to make you feel good about it ...

"the plunge"

that describes marriage perfectly

it's all downhill from now...

you can slow it down but it never changed direction

[russj]

enough opinions guys. stick to the topic

[chizen]

I can say that I'm afraid of having a commitment~

I dunno why though....

coz maybe I'll just end up hurting the other person...

due to my selfishness and immaturity~ i guess...

as for now...i just want to live my life like this~!!!

there's always a right time for everything...

and when it comes..it'll just happen naturally~

^__~

[kokuryu]

Nope not afraid at all. It always seems to be the girls that are afraid of the commitment and marriage. I suppose eventually the right one will come along for me...

[Raikun]

im a bit scared about commitment.. i have trauma about that.. haha.. hays..

(i still remember those days.. amf)

I think i finish my study first and have a good career.. thats the right time to have a great

commitment to the girl u love the most.. i hoping right now.. that we find each other.. sigh..

[summit900]

ya, i dont want marriage or kids. at least right now. i want to get a good job and financial stability before i even think about it, plus im very selfish

[Raikun]

nice.. tough guy!.. haha..


i found more interesting comment here..ahehe

Binduu-sama picked interesting topic..nice one.. hehe

Anata ga dai suki desu binduu-sama.

[Exsistinhell]

everybody is scared of commitment it's only natural and you eventually get over it

[Pollieo]

I am!!! Not so much of commitment but terrified of marriage. Its seems so final and binding and I feel my freedom to be myself will be gone

This is considered an oddity in my country especially for a female and I either get strange looks, or unsolicited advise on how miserable I will be if I dont get a husband soon or in the worst case - horrified reactions
Just would like to know what the others think :1:

By the way - when I say freedom, its not to go partying and playing around, but the freedom to sleep in late when I want, watch anime or read all night, or just spend the day doing nothing but bumming around:biggrin:

if you find the right man then you wont need to worry about losing your self cuz he will do w.e makes you happy o.O
I wouldnt mind if my GF Bummed around on a weekend and did nothing but watch anime
id join her :)

[Yamirakuru]

Marriage = Kiss your freedom goodbye.

The moment you say "I do'h!" marks the end of living for yourself. xD

[Skoibi]

i think that as existinhell said that it's naturally scary to commit at first, and i dont have a problem doing it, its just really hard for me to accept that the other person is commited as I am, mainly from horrible past experience. Im getting ALOT better with this though, and Im actually very very comfortable with my koibi, and I love him very very much. I can be myself and I dont have to worry about him thinking im weird...he already knows it! lolz XD