Reviews/Comment for Jericho

[ZenNaari]

Here you can post a comment or review for my one-shot, First-Person story Jericho.

http://otaku-streamers.com/community/showthread.php?p=34321#post34321

[Capone3830]

well you defenetely got a nice writing style and you are creative, but you should do something about the plot. NO (not even one) girl would think like that julie...

"he didnt kill them, he only cut their hands off"

seriously >.> I would think: "what kind of freak is that guy? i need to get the hell outta here"

also the story confused me a bit the moment the killer entered the scene... was kinda very fast-paced, so it was hard to follow it correctly

[ZenNaari]

well you defenetely got a nice writing style and you are creative, but you should do something about the plot. NO (not even one) girl would think like that julie...

"he didnt kill them, he only cut their hands off"

seriously >.> I would think: "what kind of freak is that guy? i need to get the hell outta here"

also the story confused me a bit the moment the killer entered the scene... was kinda very fast-paced, so it was hard to follow it correctly


Thanks, most oneshots (whether manga or novel) are also fast-paced for me. And this is my first time to make a seinen story and as a horror genre so yeah, thanks. I'll remember that.

[solidoxygen]

I'm commenting as I read it so Imma post whatever comes to mind while I read.

~~~

Oh gosh those are pretty resilient "frat boys." They just ran off by themselves after getting their hands cut off; very impressive.

Oh gosh are you serious? She's going to ring his doorbell after he cut a few people's hands off? Doesn't she think he might just shoot right away thinking that the boys were back for revenge?

Lol, she wants to do homework with him even after that. She must be really desperate to copy some answers.

Hahah! Ripped his head off. How gruesome.

Oh she just married him for being evil? I suppose she didn't have a choice...
Then again I'm thinking with the mentality of a normal person. Maybe I just don't understand her mindset.
~~~

LOL very nice ZenNaari; to be honest though, I was more amused than scared by Jericho. Perhaps it would be more believable if you put a prologue that explained Julie's messed up thinking. Maybe she is secretly into gore? Maybe she grew up among murderers? Or maybe she just came from a bad part of the neighborhood?

It could definitely be improved, but I still enjoyed reading it very much. Write more one shots please. Don't delete this one though, leave it so others can enjoy it as well.
:emhh48:

[ZenNaari]

Thanks for encouragement